09.05.07

In an effort to thwart rural beatification legislation, squatters protest the demolition of local hangout/brothel. Resident Johnny Noteeth lisped, “I think it adds character to the area’s skyline, and gives me a safe place to hide my weed!”

09.04.07

I LOVE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS!
Sure, I’ll admit I’m a wee-bit sheltered.
But honestly, I can’t be the only one who thinks this is totally awesome… can I?

09.03.07

THESE COLORS DON’T RUN…
They RIDE…
And reek of spiced patchouli.

08.31.07

[sigh]
I thought you were my soul mate. We'd spend hours upon hours together everyday, for FOUR YEARS. Then you started talking about how you needed more time to compute, and figure some things out. YESTERDAY YOU WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME!!!!! And then today you act as if nothing happened!
What the hell, it's like... like I don't even know you anymore.

08.30.07

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by while I beat the poop out of my computer and cut myself.

08.29.07

Kids these days are lucky. When we was in the trailer court, they only sold "Shaved Mice". Oh don't get me wrong, they was fun to play with for a bit, but they done tasted pretty bad.

08.28.07

Here at 4OPHQ we made it a priority to brave the elements of a west-side tenement parking lot in the middle of the night as to capture spectacular astronomical phenomena so people with normal sleeping habits didn’t have to.

08.27.07

PONDER THIS:
KNOWN: According to UFC Rules & Regulations, hair-pulling, clavicle-grabbing and eye-gouging are fouls.
UNKNOWN: If Elton John’s Tiny Dancer and Billy Joel’s Piano Man stepped into "The Octagon" who would dominate? Who would be beaten to little pile of guts?

08.25.07

Deez is kats.
People who work on the weekends usually have 50 of them.
They smell like pee... the cats...and sometimes the people do too.
But they are still nice people... they just smell like pee, and so do their cats.
It's really a win-win situation.
Ok, well thats all I have to say about that.

UPDATE: This cats name is/was Eris. Dear Eris left us for the giant litter box in the sky on 10.02.07. You were a pretty cool cat, you'll be missed!

08.24.07

Historically they a symbol of love and friendship… but to me they are the symbol of a French dwarf yelling “De plane! De plane! Look Boss, De Plane!”

08.23.07

Today is “National Clean Out Your Keyboard Day”
To celebrate, I prepared a whole meal with things I found in my keyboard.

08.22.07

Okay don’t panic, I think that if we just use the Law of Sines we’ll be able to triangulate the distance to the nearest Olive Garden… what do you mean you don’t know the Law of Sines? Freaking communist!

08.21.07

Things you shouldn’t say at the office potluck:

1. I’ll be right back I left the potato salad in my car.
2. Hey, where’s the open bar?
3. My cat has severe diarrhea.
4. Thank goodness for the 10-second rule.
5. Whoever finds the black hair has to clean the breakroom.

08.20.07

I say screw the Butterfly Effect!
The Sparrow Effect! Now thas what i'm talkin' 'bout!
Everybody gather ‘round. On the count of three, we are going to make a hurricane, and after that we're going to go celebrate at the car wash. One, two, three…

08.17.07

YOU! Get in my booze!

08.16.07

Dooode, we gotta find junior before DCFS gets here…
I could have sworn I put him in one of these holes.

I deserve some peanut M&Ms and a contract from National Geographic for this one.

08.15.07

I’m not quite sure how to tell you this but…
Well, uh, Johnny Cash hates you.

08.14.07

Chief Red Cloud: Little-puff. Big-puff, big-puff. Pause. Little-puff…
What is the meaning of this?

Chief Sitting Bull: I believe it says “Dances with Booze Lohan" has returned to the Sweat Lodge.

Chief Red Cloud: [Sigh] I can’t wait till texting is invented.

08.13.07

Dear Four O’Clock Photo,
What is your method for taking such spectacular/inspiring pictures?
Most sincerely,

Jealous of your Jpegs
Jerome, ID
***
Dear Jealous in Jerome-
My “method” goes something like this…
“Leroy Jr., your gunna halfta get out of my way! Mama’s done gotta get me some of them pictures for my blog!”

Regards-
FOP

08.11.07

i [heart] working weekends.
Poop!

08.10.07

Area archaeologists have determined the Castilleja-Coccinea, more commonly known as the Indian Paintbrush, is the reason that all those cave paintings are so crappy.

08.09.07

Consultants advised that by replacing the circus clowns at the ticket window, sales would skyrocket… However, a baffled management team reports Tram Ridership has plummeted since changes have been implemented.

08.08.07

Making a splash…
Without touching the water...
While reenacting a scene from Saturday Night Fever?
Now that’s just devil talk!
Once again, I am not quite sure what’s going on here, but what do you expect when it involves the same man who brought you The UnicycleNipple

08.07.07

These beautiful flowers are soooooooooo beautiful.*
* AND, they smell like pee. Toot toot!

08.06.07

Dagnammit Jessop!
I done think the horses are playing with Ouija Board again.

08.03.07

Sure its indiscriminate, but I think using rock/paper/scissors to decide who gets to sit up front and who has to “ride the Rhino Lining” has really started to strain our relationship…
Um, no, I don’t think drawing straws would make it better.

08.02.07

These are Bobby’s Angels.
They will drink you under the table, then proceed to kick your ass with their perfectly pedicured toes. Carry on ladies.

08.01.07

I’m not saying you didn’t get that oozing rash from some sort of noxious plant… I’m just wondering why you had that plant in your pants?

07.31.07

Remember when you were a young (32ish), carefree (mortgage due tomorrow!) student (lawyer)? Remember when jumping off the roof of a house into a pool got you all the hot chicks? And by "hot chicks” I mean a broken arm and bloodied nose.
[Sigh] Those were the good old days.

07.30.07

Warren Jeffs'/Kevin Federline's Family Tree...
and in other news, "Beyonce Knowles Falls On Her Face During Concert."

07.27.07

B:nnnlIt is my birthday.
FOP:nYes my humblest friend, it is indeed.
B:nnnlWill there be a party held in my honor?
FOP:nBut of course. We will celebrate your years of compassion,
nnnnlllkindness and generosity.
B:nnnlThere won’t be any poor people there, right?
FOP:nNo, the poor people have been exiled and the fridge has been
nnnnlllstocked with the finest meats and cheeses.
B:nnnlExcellent. Let the gift-opening commence.

07.26.07

I think, if we've learned one thing from all my glorious pictures of nature, it's that either you're a pelican or a pelican't.*

*I really don't know what this means.

07.25.07

Okay Kiddies,
Remember the time I asked for the Sega Genesis (with 32-bit processor, 32,768 simultaneous colors and texture mapping)… yeah, that kind of sucked. This year I think I’d just like a sack of money. You have six months to pull it together.

07.24.07

FOR SALE ’47 Cross Over Utility Wagon
Great for off-road and cross-country travel. Seats 27 comfortably. 48” Tires & Rims, Sun/moon roof and A/C standard. 5.9% APR for 36 months for qualified buyers.

07.23.07

The next time you go hiking with a pessimist, and you come upon a cliff, you should push them off because, hey, they were probably expecting it anyway.

07.20.07

“I will trade you FOUR, count them, F-O-U-R juniper nuts for that shiny thing over there and a bit of string… Joking? Does it look like I am joking?”

07.19.07

A VERY RANDOM Lesson in Gas Station Etiquette
If you hock a loogie on the flip-flop of the person on the other side of the gas terminal, don’t act so surprised if she farmer-blows on your motorcycle helmet.
It's called reciprocity jerk hole!!!

Do you think I need a tetanus shot?

07.18.07

Signs I am no longer a the Rockstar I once was:
1. The City Library is open 2 hours after I’ve gone to bed.
2. I go to the Library.

Poop

07.17.07

Aloha Weight Watchers!

07.16.07

At harvest time, between 6 and 8 mice/birds/rats/gophers are pulverized into every bushel of grain. You now know the secret of Grape Nuts Cereal.
Good Day.

07.13.07

According to the 2007 edition of The Bevis Wilderness Survival Guide, the best way to avoid being attacked by a bear is to, “always hike with a fatty.”

07.12.07

Back by popular demand!!!
HoseWater2000™®©
Good for the dog, great for you!
Now with 20% Fewer Parasites!

07.11.07

In Retrospect:
When the neighbor kid says, “It’s like Disneyland… but for poor people.”
It’s not as cool as you might think.

07.10.07

Q. If you had to equate Four O’Clock Photo with a historical event what would it be?

A. Remember when the Spice Girls announced they were getting back together for a world tour? It’s kind of like that.

07.09.07

At the time, I could have sworn someone saying that I was a photographic genius. Now, looking back, I think it might have been the booze talking.

07.06.07

To show their support of this weekend’s Live Earth hoopla, the Bush Administration has banned the use of toilet paper.

07.05.07

This years Fourth of July festivities included:

• A red headed man doing a pole dance.
  
• An air guitar/drum solo to Van Halen’s Panama
  
• A raw hamburger.
  
• A Jerry Springer style cat-fight including tube tops and fake nails.
  
• A heated discussion about raves, Caligula and fun things to do after church.
  
• A skinny, bald, white man swaying his hips while shouting, “Ya’ll don’t know me!!” to his neighbors.

Honestly, what more could I ask for? Toot Toot!

07.04.07

From the Four O'Clock Photo Mail Bag:

Dear FOP,

I have heard you are a big fan of America. Today is the 231st Anniversary of our Nation’s liberation from England's tyrannical crown and I was wondering:
What does Independence Day mean to you?

Sincerely,
Y. Doodle

07.03.07

HI!
Um, let this shiny thing distract you, while I think of something to say.

07.02.07

Hey, have you ever seen a hyperventilating prairie dog?
Would you like to?