Friday, October 31, 2008

10.31.08


Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #5
Well that was fun.
I hope you are able to wash away the stench of cigar smoke and Powerbait.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

10.30.08



Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #4
How to remove a hook… like a “Bad-Ass.”

HDub: I’m so bad-ass that I am going to rip this hook out with forceps!

RH: A real bad ass would do it with his teeth.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

10.29.08



Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #3
How to fish using the HDub method.

Applaud self for 3 consecutive hours of sobriety.

Smoke a Cigar.

Antagonize ol’ “Sausage Fingers” by asking if he needs help tying knots.

Put on shitty gas station hat & sunglasses.

Cast once… Catch HUGE alleged “trash fish”.

Crawl behind a rock, sleep off last night’s hangover.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

10.28.08


Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #2
Fishing using the RH method.
Spend 35 minutes trying to tie a Blood Knot… Curse at sausage-like fingers.
Settle for Granny Knot.

Cast once… Cast Twice… Pull line, attach $27 “sure-thing” fly.
Cast once… Cast Twice… Change fly.
Cast once… Cast Twice… Change fly again. Repeat for 3 hours.

Catch nothing.

Ridicule others for using cheap gear and catching trash fish.

Monday, October 27, 2008

10.27.08


Just when you thought FOP couldn’t get any better….

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008!
Step by step advice from fly fishing aficionados, RH and HDub.
Yes, the same people who brought you this.

STEP #1: Put on a really expensive vest with over 72 pockets and a lightweight rivershed waders (with 3-layer GORE-TEX® Immersion® Technology, of course), and pretend like you’re a hobo.

Friday, October 24, 2008

10.24.08


Tonight on In the Kitchen with FOP!
"Making S’mores with Janis Joplin"

Thursday, October 23, 2008

10.23.08


Apparently someone at FOP Headquarters for got to pay the interweb bill…
In the mean time I encourage you to look at this crappy picture.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

10.22.08


Uh, what is it?

Dude, I dunno…. But I bet MacGyver would.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

10.21.08


And the winner of the Golden Horse is… YOU!
Yes YOU! In the middle there. Come right up and claim your prize!

Monday, October 20, 2008

10.20.08


Q: How do you get back at the guy who got you so drunk you started punching random people in the crotch.
A: Apparently you show up at his house the next day with a mustache that you stole from Cheech and Chong

Sunday, October 19, 2008

10.19.08


Lamest.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

10.16.08


Not a HotPocket.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

10.15.08


Um Dad, none of these are capable of cooking a HotPocket.
No, HotPocket isn’t “code” for something else.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

10.14.08


MARKET NEWS: Field & Stream Acquires Abercrombie & Fitch
Area hunters are excited to pay triple, and in some cases quadruple, the price for these NEW VOGUE hunting and fishing fashions, while their A&F Male Model counterparts are devastated by the thought of wearing... clothes.
Long time A&F model Jessie Smoothsac was quoted saying,
“This is wretched! Now who’s going to run through the African deserts wearing nothing but a knitted scarf (and fauxhawk) with 12 other naked boys?”

Monday, October 13, 2008

10.13.08


HEY GUYS!
After Party on the Santa Maria. SCHWING!
We’re gonna freaking party like it was 1492! BOOYAH!

Friday, October 10, 2008

10.10.08


Mother.

Yes dear.

You’ve got some corn between your teeth.

… Um, thank you dear.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

10.09.08



Market Goes Free! Free-Fallin!
Adam & FOP Talk about it…


ADAM: Everyone is freaking out about the economy today. I’m trying to decide if I am missing something. I’m not retiring anytime soon, so it seems like I'm ok.

FOP: I mean I figure, no ones really depending on me, so if push comes to shove, I'll just end it… No doubt people will miss my mad PhotoShop skillz.

ADAM: I’ll miss having my face superimposed on midget porn.

FOP: I'll probably lose my job in 6 months. So I'll move in with the parents, until they get evicted and then you know, me and the Silverfox will probably eat my mom.

ADAM: You can be our live-in nanny... But I can't pay you

FOP: I could do that, although I was hoping by then I’d have a dickhole of a boyfriend who’d tie me to an engine block, while he was out looting.

ADAM: I wish I had an engine block inside my house.

FOP: Well, in these tough economic times not everyone can have that luxury.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

10.08.08


.
Autumn!
The 7th most popular name of New England strippers!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

10.07.08


Remember the neighbor that would sit on the porch and scare all the trick-or-treaters. I mean you’d think a 34 year old failure who lives in his parents basement could find better things to do with his time.

Monday, October 06, 2008

10.06.08


SURPLISE!
Paparazzi in your backseat!

Friday, October 03, 2008

10.03.08


I was all like “Yo Mary J. Poppins, dis ain’t London-town no more! Why you lookin’ all raggedy woman? You feedin’ dem birds all out of your hair these days.”

And she was all “ I know dawg, I know. But I been tending to some Baby-Daddies, all spoonin’ sugar and shiz, and I just ain’t got the time to get it did.”

So I says, “ Go fly a kite woman and I’ll ‘Pimp Your Ride’.”

Supercalifo’shizzle!

Sorry.
Happy Weekend

Thursday, October 02, 2008

10.02.08


A DARK DAY
How to piss me off today: Send me an email. Then call me 3 seconds later and ask “Didja get my email?” UNLESS THE WHOLE INTERWEB BLEW UP IN THE PAST 3 SECONDS, YES I GOT YOUR EMAIL!*


* And its most likely lodged somewhere between the “The sexy Russian woman waiting to meet me” and a “Superb Discount on a Breitling Watch”. I’ll get to it when I get to it! GOSH!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

10.01.08


Dear Weather Troll,

If you are not busy or pregnant or doing something wacky with your hair, maybe you could put your forecast over this.

Meteorological Regards,
FOP