02.28.07

I think the thing I hate most about February is that I pay a months worth of rent for only 28 days.

02.27.07

Today, I’m coining the term SnowHobo.

Snow • Ho • bo (noun)
def.   Snowrider, who if by magic, appears in the back of your vehicle after stopping at a light and/or slowing down to make a turn while enroute to a ski facility. The SnowHobo is a harmless creature and typically reeks of PBR and happy grass.  

Sidebar: What am I going to wear?

Were I in high school I'd fill your locker with muffins and a note that said:
"I'd want muffin more than for you to add me to your blog ."
Then I would go home, buff out my headgear and practice talking with out a lisp.

Toot! Toot!

4OP

02.26.07

For me, hell would be a world with out dipping sauces. Cuz HOT DAMN! I do love me some condiments.

02.23.07

I dunno, I mean for a country with legalized prostitution and coffee shops that sell weed, it just seems like a light beer is a bit of a copout.

02.22.07

Yes Barnaby, your family tree is splendid. You wouldn’t mind if l collected some of the branches to use at Joe Morely’s Semi Annual weenie roast this summer?

02.21.07

Mr. T pities the fool who abuses the versatility of his jewelry.

02.20.07

'Shoore would be nice if weren't so darn cold.
Makes it purdy hard fer me ‘n my brother Zeke to pump up the Jams.

02.19.07

North! South! East! West!
Grover Cleveland is the best!

President twenty-two and twenty-four
First democrat to serve after the war.

A White House bachelor, age forty-four
Threw in the towel and married a whore.

President Cleveland!! You gotta love it.
A dude who shared his name with a muppet.

02.16.07

A Transcript from 24 Hour Fitness Locker Room

TeenGirl #1: Valentine’s is like sooo stupid.
TeenGirl #2: Yeah. Dumb.
TeenGirl #1: It’s like just gotten so commercialized.
TeenGirl #2: Way. Flowers. Chocolates… LAME.
TeenGirl #1: I think Christmas is the only sacred holiday, anymore.
TeenGirl #2: Yeah, plus the Mall stays open late
TeenGirl #1: And we get a week off school.

02.15.07

It was there, on that horizon, where I learned Pro Wrestling was fake.

02.14.07

Love through the eyes of the Silverfox:

1. People say “Clothes don’t make the man.”
Silverfox says those people obviously don’t own a ”Members Only” jacket.

2. People say they way to a woman’s heart is with diamonds.
Silverfox insists nothing says “Yo babe, I love you" like a car… or at least a piece of a car.

02.13.07

This picture is utterly stunning. The lighting. The depth. The juxtaposition of death and the idyllic implications of life & rebirth. I’ll give it to you in exchange for three mechanical pencils… and a handful of Peanut M&Ms.

02.12.07

"I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman."

02.09.07

Skywalks always reek of urine. What's up with that?

02.08.07

These sunglasses aren’t gay… I think they kind of make me look TOUGH, like the other dude from Wham!
You know, the one who wasn’t George Michael.

02.07.07

I know you've always wondered how they get the strobe light to work at the annual "Grizzly Adams/Robin Williams Mountain Man Rendezvous!"

02.02.07

HEY EVERYBODY!
This is Phil’s slightly overweight and underappreciated brother, Punxsutawney Larry.

2.01.07

Cold. Weathered. Overexposed...
Similar to Paris Hilton, well, minus the crabs.