09.30.08

Shhhhhhhh! Listen, you can hear them getting fatter!

Yes, I am mean.

09.29.08

FOP: Hmm, looks like, Paul Newman died.
RH: So does that mean I order the “Go Towards The Lite Creamy Italian” dressing?
FOP: …

09.26.08

Yeah, yeah. Better late than never... Maybe.
Anyhoo, there's plenty more where this came from.
Suckers

09.25.08

How did I get this cool?
Well everything you need to know is in this wine glass here…
And by “wine glass” I mean “Pure Ethanol 96.6% Glass”.

09.24.08

America’s worst kept secret:
Crocs™ and Clay Aiken™ are gay.

09.23.08

Great Marketing Opportunity
Reply to: presidential.gigs-FOP092308@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-09-23, 4:00PM MDT

Presidential Candidate seeks rural hicktown café in Nowhere, America as to publicly rub shoulders with people who shop at WalMart, empathize with unemployed factory workers and mingle with ailing or infirm elderly residents of the community. Why? Because they “are just like one of you!”

• It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Straight Talk and/or Change

PostingID: FOP092308

09.22.08

OMG YOU GUYS!
HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS RELATIVE HUMIDITY!!!

(sigh)

09.21.08

09.20.08

09.19.08

Ripped from the headlines:
“PETA Roaring Mad as U.S. Consumption of Tigers Blood Reaches All Time High.”

09.18.08

5 Ways YOU can observe the Silverfox’s birthday:

1. Buy a box of wine… the red kind… and drink it from a Solo Cup.

2. Haggle with someone… Car salesman, bank teller, UPS guy, DMV, etc.

3. If you see some one with something expensive (ie. a boat, a truck, a pair of shoes) mumble to yourself “How did they afford that?”

4. Make the logo smaller.

5. Wear you pants just a smidge (8” or so) above your belly button.

Happy Birthday Dad!

09.17.08

Things to do today:
1. Eat sweater.
2. Make hurricane in China.
3. Attack porch lamp.

09.16.08

I think my favorite part of a car chase is when they hit the fruit cart… cuz man, what a mess!

09.15.08

I kissed a carny and I liked it
It tasted like cabbage and bean dip.
I kissed a carny just to try it
No teeth, just grease, didn't mind it.
It smelled so wrong
It felt so right.
I’m sleepin’ in the tilt-a-whirl tonight
I kissed a carny and I liked it.
I liked it.

09.12.08

Forlorn Wiener Friday
Happy Weekend!

09.11.08

NEW! On the Discovery Channel: Esquires vs. Wild

Three white-collared attorneys are dropped into harsh, unforgiving legal situations around the globe, from class B misdemeanors and deed transfers to interlocutory appeals and baby-daddy disputes, left to prove their mental superiority. Our heroes will be forced to edit macros, time stamp documents, fend off office cougar attacks and drink fluids extracted from rhinoceros feces.

Tune in tonight and see The Esquires as they face the toughest challenge yet… talking to poor people!

09.10.08

We all live downstream… from an elephant… with severe diarrhea.

09.09.08

Looks SWEET! What’s it sound like?
Imagine if Steve McQueen fell face first into a pile of midlife crisis…
it sounds sort of like that.

09.08.08

This weekend the Silverfox and Ladyfox celebrated 40 glorious years of holy matrimony. (Apparently back then, you could get married at the tender age of 13).

40 years is an impressive amount of time, so I asked the Silverfox what the secret was to keeping the Ladyfox happy all these years. Here is what he said:


1. Keep her hydrated.



2. Take her on exotic vacations.



3. Show her you love her.



4. Let her ride up front… every once in a while.



5. Finally, the most important key to keeping the Ladyfox happy, HAVING TOTALLY AWESOME HAIR... Honestly. I mean look at it, its glorious.

Happy Anniversary you crazy kids, keep up the good work.

09.05.08

An excerpt from “What Alcoholism Means to You?”

RH: I think I might have had too much booze.
HDub*: Naw, you’re fine.
RH: Well, how do you know when you’re drunk.
HDub: Typically, I can’t feel my face.

* Have a lovely birthday weekend HDub! Thanks for being constant source of witty and incredibly foul entertainment.

09.04.08

This is all i got in me today kids.
Sorry.

09.03.08

You swerved to miss a penguin? Um yeah dad, I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to fly. Now, lets get these PBR cans picked up before the sheriff gets here.

09.02.08

Local Weatherman says:
“Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer.”

Local FOP says:
“Tuesday, the unofficial end of Monday."

09.01.08

Whats that smell?
Rumor has it, this same gust of wind blew 49,000 hippies out of Burning Man this weekend.