07.31.09

BobKwanzaa: Day #5

1 Saturday afternoon
+ 4 trips back to house to make sure stove is off
+ 2 hrs bitching someone stole “his spot”
+ 1.5 hrs of general dicking around
+ 3 hrs attaching one fly
+ 2 hrs worrying if leg of left wader is leaking
+ 40 minutes of “Is it a mosquito bite or a mole?”
= Fishing with Bob

I guess it was worth it...

07.30.09

BobKwanzaa: Day #4

Remember the time I got a new roof?
And told the roofers to take out the swamp cooler cuz I didn’t really need it.
And then thought the roofers broke one of the trusses.
And used a stack of law books to squeeze through that little hole that goes into the attic to fix it?
And how I got stuck, and it was really hot, and I thought I was gonna die.
And when I got unstuck I thought I might have nudged a few shingles out of place.
And how I got on the roof and used silicone caulk all over those shingles.
And how now there’s a shiny, slimy spot on my roof.
And how despite the caulk, its still 97 degrees inside my house.
And how I set up a tent on the back lawn and still couldn’t sleep because of the HELICOPTORS!!!

MY ROOF! MY ROOF! Why hath thou forsaken me??

07.29.09

BobKwanzaa: Day #3

RH: Do you think I could wear this to work?
FOP: You wear cargo pants… and clogs, dude.
RH: So are you saying it’s in poor taste?
FOP: No more so than the time you wore that white Speedo the company pool-party.
RH: I guess just like to push the fashion envelope.
FOP:… is that real sheepskin?

07.29.09

BobKwanzaa Day #2

This 'Lance Armstrong/Angelina Jolie Moment' brought to you by Radio Shack*.

* Bob would never shop at Radio Shack… ever. Why? Because radios and shacks fall under the category of “Things Poor People Like.”

07.27.09

Hey everybody! FOP’s favorite muse is celebrating a birthday this week. (I know, I know it seems like BobHanukkah was just yesterday.) As we all know, this tolerant, charitable man, has opened his heart and home to the down-trodden and destitute for the past 35 years, so let us take time this week to embrace all that is Robert… unless you are sick (or may be sick, or one of your kids is sick), then get the hell out of here…

Thus begins The 5 days of BobKwanzaa: A Celebration of Bob, His Stuff, and his tireless battle against those “assholes” who are trying to sabotage his affluent lifestyle… or trying to burn down his house… or door-ding his beloved truck.

07.24.09

All My Pioneer People!
Miracle of the Gulls* Anyone? Anyone?

Anyhooo, Happy 24th y’all!

*If you do not know what this is you don't deserve the day off!

07.23.09

And we shall call him "Unicornfly".

In my opinion, if your gonna start naming things after mythological creatures you should go all out. Pick something completely awesome… like a MANTICORE!

07.22.09

Uhhh, I’m sorry sir, but it doesn’t come “Gluten Free”. What? No, I won’t check with my boss!!!!

07.21.09

Pete & Manuel*

Pete: Wake up you old fool. You slept through American Idol.
Manuel: Who's a fool? You watched it.


*or Statler & Waldorf

07.20.09

Remember that one time at “Man Camp” when we all talked about our feelings… and then partook in a big ol’ group hug… that was awesome.

07.17.09

It’s time…
For a random pea test.

Ba-dum Ching!

07.16.09

It is here, where I learned:

1. You don’t have to be in Denver to have an omelet.
2. Mrs. Packman is the best arcade game ever invented.
3. “Hash browns” and “Hashish”: Two different things.
4. Sharpies can be used to draw on missing eyebrows.

07.15.09

Does this make my hand look big?

07.14.09

NOTE: This FOP has no artist or comedic value whatsoever*

I can’t believe I am playing back-up synthesizer to Kenny G. at a freaking street fair… I WENT TO BAND CAMP. I’m better than this!

* When do they ever really, but this one more so than usual. My apologies.

07.13.09

First clouted as “the personification of a person’s soul,” then devolving into the “most admired design” for international fashion phenomenon known as the “Tramp Stamp”, nature’s little flapper will spend it’s post-metamorphosis stage resting its tattered wings and fighting off the occasional hot flash.

07.10.09

ALL ABOARD!
The train to Fun Town has arrived!
TOOOOOOOOOOOT! TOOOOOOOOOT!

07.09.09

Technically speaking…

SLFX: A cruise was a great idea for a family vacation, don’t you think?
FOP: Dad, I don’t think this qualifies as a “cruise.” Are those oars?
SLFX: A ship on the high seas, of course it’s a cruise!
FOP: It’s a floating duckblind, and the water doesn’t pass my waist.
SLFX: LOOK! OVER THERE! A WHALE! IT’S BREACHIN’!!!!
FOP: Um, that’s a carp.

07.08.09

Does DCFS know about this?

07.07.09

When you're at a Barbecue, I think it's fun to tell people that looking at the sun will make them sneeze, cuz man, nothing is funnier than watching a sneezing blind man eat ribs.

07.06.09

If you want to see FOP’s token firework shot, see above.

If you want to see 2 more, scroll down.

If you want to see fireworks next year, you may want to bookmark those pages now.

If you want to see an Economic Firestorm, look out your window.

07.05.09

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

07.04.09

Oooooooooooooo!

07.03.09

Click! Click!
BOOM! BOOM!

07.02.09

The King of Potluck

Adam: Just had another meeting. Agenda item #5: Michael Jackson's death.
FOP: Awesome. Are you going to have potluck to commemorate it?
Adam: Uh, no.
FOP: Bummer, you could have brought the “Billy Jean Baked Beans.”

07.01.09

Whatup?

Oh you know, just making maggots and decomposing stuff.