05.31.07

Let there be light… over-priced, pretentious-hipster light.

05.30.07

Don't ever ask the local weather man to show you his "Storm Tracker."

05.29.07

Fear not little friends, you will all grow up to be the booze.

05.28.07

Babies done love themselves a big ol' heapin' spoonful o nature.

05.25.07

So what you are telling me is that if I spend $1,599.99 on a 3 Piece Mircofiber Sectional with Chaise I’m entitled to a FREE HOT DOG & SODA (while supplies last) and a duffle bag ($10 value)?
Hell yeah, sign me up!

05.24.07

Welcome to our Ond!
As you may notice, there is no 'P' in it
We’d like to keep it that way.

Toot toot!

05.23.07

Ripped from today’s headlines:
Area man informed there is such a thing as American Idol, vows to kick somebody’s ass.

05.22.07

Yeah, um, the sun called to let you know that it doesn’t really appreciate the competition AND that the glare off your left butt-cheek is disrupting several power grids in the Midwest.

05.21.07

Today's FOP is brought to you by: bactericides, fungicides, herbicides, insecticides, miticides, molluscicides, nematicides, rodenticides and a government subsidy.

05.18.07

So what you’re saying is studded, black leather chaps go OVER pants, not IN PLACE of pants?
Hmmmmm, well this is awkward.

05.17.07

“Darlin’ where I come from, we done call it dental floss.”

05.16.07

Virgin Mary's face in a tortilla? Pshawwww!
It appears as though your cocktail sauce is wearing a FREAKIN' HALO!
OBVIOUSLY a sign they value condiments in heaven…
I told you being baptized in a ketchup-font wasn’t sacrilegious.

05.15.07

You spent $5,000 and it doesn't even have a kickstand?

05.14.07

Nice story Silverfox. You are a pretty tough guy, but I’m pretty sure there was such thing as toilet paper in 1950.

05.11.07

Area bachelor reveals secret to achieving “ultimate chick-magnet” status.
Now, I do believe it’s time to get your sexy on.
Happy Friday kids.

05.10.07

Hey you! Bald man, in the leather pants and euro-framed glasses, stand under these and we will attempt to reveal your “deep inner beauty.”
Oooo, yeah, um, I’m gonna need the soft focus filter and 4 additional lamps.

05.09.07

Looks like I’m gonna need another order of home fries. Yeah, when I’m done here I got to check in with my P.O., pickup a new fanny pack, and get to softball practice. Any y’all seen my flannel shirt?

05.08.07

In order to evaluate your emotional and intellectual functioning I will be administering the Rorschach Tulip Test.

05.07.07

The undertaker is deeply concerned that his forehead may be sunburned.

05.04.07

A quote from one of America’s most esteemed legal minds:
“Cinco De Mayo? When the hell is that?”

-R. W. Harrow, Esq.

05.03.07

Hey, what's up? Me? Oh, I was just sitting here thinking maybe that love-sick, diaper-wearing astronaut wasn't such a nut-job after all.

05.02.07

Titticus!!!! Stop putting your burlap underwear in my bucket!

05.01.07

Say what?
You want me to squeeze down your gearshift and pick up some old hot tamales? Frankly, I’m not sure what that means, but your innuendo is priceless.