07.31.08

moist
Defined by Merriam Webster as one of the top ten grossest sounding words in the English language.

07.30.08

Now, back to you your regularly scheduled mediocrity… sorry for the interruption.

07.29.08

Dear FOP-
I think "BobHanukkah" was the best thing to happen on the interweb since the Dancing Hamster or the Star Wars Kid. Being that today is in fact my actual Birthday, could you post a picture that is adequate for my match.com profile? One that makes me look ridiculously sexy and preferably without glasses.
I eagerly await your findings-
Bob


Dear Bob-
Happy Birthday!
Love-
FOP

07.28.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #8
RH: The test have come back, and I have Hypogonadism
FOP: Girly man.
RH: My Dealer… uh doctor has prescribed me some Human Grow…uh Testosterone
FOP: Impressive.
RH: Do you know what this means?
FOP: You have to drop out of the Ice Capades?
RH: I am going to be HUGE! How am I going to afford a new wardrobe?
FOP: How much could a Speedo and a bottle of baby oil really set you back?

07.27.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #7
Are you sick?
YOU ARE!!! I can tell.
DON’T MESS WITH ME.
I’ll make you watch me snort Purelle SERIOUSLY.

07.26.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #6
RH: Do you think Bobhanukkah is over exposing me?
FOP: Like Danny Glover or Cory Feldman?
RH: I don’t want people to be sick of me.
FOP: Yeah I think you single-handedly are disappointing the whole interweb.

07.25.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #5

LOOK AT THIS BOB!!!
Have a look at this beautiful MOTHER FREAKIN’BOB! He was last seen grilling RAW MEAT in his huge-ass back yard. He is about the most beautiful damn BOB in the whole world and chews on expenisive food all the time. If you see him, tell him he looks RICH and that you like his glasses.

07.24.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #4
Today, in an effort commemorate his relentless work ethic instilled in him by his love and genuine respect for his latter-day pioneer heritage, Bob will try his hand at bareback riding and steer wrestling.

07.23.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #3

BUNDY: Hey, have you seen Bob? I wanted to tell him there’s case lot sale on handsanitizer at Walmart.

FOP: Hmmmm nope, but he might be over there with albino Samuel L. Jackson.

07.22.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #2

While talking to Bob at any give moment, he is probably thinking which of the following:

a. I bet I look like Pierce Brosnan.
b. I think my head is sunburned
c. Is that a minority over there?
d. Someone is stealing my stuff right now!
e. Are we talking about me yet?

07.21.08

Gentlemen!
Yes, yes. Come. Have a seat in my humble abode. Wait are you poor? No? Proceed.
I presume you know it is my birthday week, and because I am what they call a “BIG DEAL" we will need to commemorate my greatness. Therefore, I have… DON”T TOUCH MY STUFF! Pardon my outburst. Where was I? Ahh yes! I’ve cleverly combined two of my favorite things, hence, for the next 8 days we will be celebrating “BobHanukkah”.

07.18.08

Worry not little one, OtterPops are merely steppingstone to margaritas.

Happy Weekend!

07.17.08

Sometimes I wonder how so many beautiful things in nature can smell like cat pee.

08.16.08

The Road to Beijing
Gentlemen hang on to your panties!
The XXIX Summer Olympiad marks the super-fabulous return of diving phenom, Greg Louganis!!!!

08.15.08

A great leader once told me “The banking system is basically sound.” It reminded me of that time an incarcerated doctor told me “brain surgery is basically like peeling an orange.”

Yeah, I got nothing. Sorry.

07.14.08

Okay, let's meet back here in 24 hours and we’ll discuss the miracle that is Angelina Jolie’s Uterus… In the meantime here’s something slightly less magnificent!

07.11.08

Tough Call
If I were Thomas Edison, I’m not sure what I’d be more proud of:
That I invented the light bulb or the “Edison Screw”.

07.10.08

HEY EVERYBODY! This is Adam!

HEY EVERYBODY! This is Adam's femur!

07.09.08

Good day fine sir, would you like to partake of my delicious clams? Pardon? No I’ve never heard of “dragon” clams… These are quahogs. Why do you ask?

07.08.08

NEW RULE
Anyone in the office listening to Tori Amos will be hit with a bag of bolts.

07.07.08

With rising oil & commodity prices, declining home prices, a poor stock market, perpetual military operations in the Middle East, and the fact that one US dollar is only worth 98¢ in freaking CANADA, the average American is in an extremely foul and gloomy… HEY!!! LOOK OVER THERE. SHINY THINGS!!!!

07.04.08

What exactly is a "Yankee Doodle"?

07.03.08

Um, your tong is showing.

07.02.08

HEY GUY! How does it feel to contract cryptosporidium and dysentery simultaneously! Right on!

07.01.08

I said “V”! A FLYING V!
WTF, are you all freaking dyslexic?
This doesn’t even look like any letter…
You know what? I quit. I hope ya’ll burst into flames or something.