01.30.09

Huh. This may be the first (and last) time I can appreciate the color you painted this wall. 5 STARS!

01.29.09

Whats up?
Sheep Butt.

01.28.09

This is:
a. My tv screen on any channel (Except Telemundo).
b. My navel… after wearing sweatpants… for 5 days... straight.

01.27.09

A Healthy Relationship

RH: I’ve run 6 miles before.
Adam: You haven’t run 6 miles in your life.
RH: Have too. The “Run for Life” race. In third Grade. Six miles in an hour!
Adam: There’s no way YOU ran a 10 min. mile in 3rd grade
RH: I was FASTER than a 10 min. mile!!! I RAN 6 MILES PER HOUR!!!
Adam: …

01.26.09

An ode to the SNOWPLOW

SNOWPLOW! SNOWPLOW!
SNOWPLOW me over,
Down into a steep ravine,
I won't be found for days,
Rabid varmint feast upon my soft tissues.
WHAT THE HELL SNOWPLOW!

01.23.09

Just a reminder, 75-80% household dust is dead human flesh.
Happy Weekend.

01.22.09

Hey guys, DON'T STRESS!!!
There’s a 50% chance your office key-card will still work in the morning.

01.21.09

Tonight on TMZ!
Hollywood celebrities!
With NARCOLEPSY!
CAUGHT ON CAMERA!

01.20.09

YOU! Yeah You!
You just spent 8 tumultuous years in the White House. You started a war, invented new words, collapsed an economy, choked on a pretzel, received the lowest approval rating… EVER, dodged a shoe and left the American public without a pot to piss in!!!

HOLY NUTS! What are you going to do next????

01.19.09

A hazardous air advisory is in effect.
Toxic atmospheric particulates have reached unprecedented levels. To avoid any harmful side-effects, the young, elderly and people with mustaches and/or skin tags are asked to seek refuge in the nearest bar, tavern or strip-club.

01.16.09

Listen up gentlemen! We left the basecamp at 9am, pottied at mile 1.5, gear check at mile 3, narrowly escaped a run-in with a dirty hippy at 3.75, so if my calculations are accurate that should put us at… NACHO TIME!!!

01.15.09

For the hundreds of you who got to this site by searching “Clay Aiken”….
Here he is. Being all rugged and manlike.

Also, is it just me, or does his forehead look sunburned?

01.14.09

FOP: It’s COLD in here.
RH: Naw, I just installed a new thermostat…
FOP: Doode. I just saw Richard Simmons put on pants.
RH: Top of the line, German engineering, industrial grade...
FOP: It's set at 0˚K? What does that even mean?
RH: …it uses Kelvins.

01.13.09

You know what’s not funny?
When someone freezes your favorite chopstick…
Really, it’s NOT FUNNY!

09.12.09

Speaking of Cupcakes…


Repsonses received after sending the following text:

“me: on the treadmill.
american idol david archuleta: on the treadmill next to me.
i am famous.”

Adam: omg. Omg. Omg. OMG!!!!!
Dr. J: holy S#%*! Make him sing a song for you!
RH: request Apple Bottom Jeans Boots with the FURRRRRRRRR!
H: i’ll bet he runs like a girl.
EB: awesome, ask him what its like to kiss Clay Aiken.

01.09.09

Priceless?
Honestly, I am not sure which is more valuable, the camera or the carpet.

01.08.09

Hey guys Rocky Mountain Lava flow!
Who knew?

01.07.09 *UPDATE*

RH: I’m thinking of becoming Amish.
FOP: Oh?
RH: The simple life. Driving buggies, churning butter, raising barns …
FOP: Shouting insults at people who wear zippers?
RH: … Maybe.

01.07.09

Blogger you fickle wench! Please let me post a photo...
I hate to disappoint my adoring fan(s).

01.06.09

SO I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO HASN'T TAKEN DOWN THEIR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS?

01.05.09

Lo our burden is great and our berries are small…
Yeah, I don’t even know what that means.
Welcome back slackers, now get to work.

01.01.09

Toot! Toot!