02.15.10

Google me this.

Well interweb, it looks like it's just me and you today... Whaddaya think we should do with this chainmail, cowboy hat and double strand of pearls?

02.16.09

Here He Is! To Rock you Like a Hurricane!
The Chairman of 2027 Hair Band Reunion Tour Planning Committee has been born. Weighing in at 7lbs 7oz, smelling of AquaNet and Mule Deer Musk, festooned with 10 fingers, 10 toes and a skin-tight leather diaper…

Master J.R. Garn

Congratulations Claire & Jared

01.20.09

YOU! Yeah You!
You just spent 8 tumultuous years in the White House. You started a war, invented new words, collapsed an economy, choked on a pretzel, received the lowest approval rating… EVER, dodged a shoe and left the American public without a pot to piss in!!!

HOLY NUTS! What are you going to do next????

11.04.08

Voting with the Ladyfox

LFX: If that old white guy wins, we’re moving to Albania
FOP: That’s a little extreme.
LFX: I’m serious we're packing up the computers and getting on a… boat or whatever.
FOP: Mom, I don’t think they have electricity there. They still run on Yak power.
LFX: Doesn’t matter.
FOP: Wow. I didn’t know you were such a die-hard Democrat.
LFX: I’m not. I just think voting for Obama makes me look younger.
FOP: …

09.23.08

Great Marketing Opportunity
Reply to: presidential.gigs-FOP092308@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-09-23, 4:00PM MDT

Presidential Candidate seeks rural hicktown café in Nowhere, America as to publicly rub shoulders with people who shop at WalMart, empathize with unemployed factory workers and mingle with ailing or infirm elderly residents of the community. Why? Because they “are just like one of you!”

• It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Straight Talk and/or Change

PostingID: FOP092308

08.15.08

A great leader once told me “The banking system is basically sound.” It reminded me of that time an incarcerated doctor told me “brain surgery is basically like peeling an orange.”

Yeah, I got nothing. Sorry.

02.18.08

Due to a ocular strain of the Ebola virus*, accompanied by a weekend quarantine, I ain’t got nuthin. Oh and also, if you are the president and you happen to read this, your doin' a bang-up job. You make all the other presidents jealous. No Really, you do!! Have a super-fantastic day.

* Yes, I have pictures. NO, I won’t show you.

01.28.08

UPDATE: Campaign ‘08
3 Kennedy’s say they "endorse Barack Obama for president!"
The remaining Kennedy’s are “pretty sure he stole their ‘good’ booze.”