05.05.10

Olé!
I'm pretty sure this tasted better than it looks.
Happy Cinco De Mayo!
Party like a Mexican... unless you're in AZ.

05.04.10

DEEEEEE LUX!
Fish don't fry in the kitchen;
Beans don't burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin',
Just to jump off the third floor balcony to avoid getting caught by the PO-lice.

05.03.10

Looked out the window and what did I see?
A crap load of reasons to take a Claritin D!

04.30.10

What's the Magic Word?
Can I leave for the weekend... sigh... peas?

04.29.10

Contrail photobomb.

04.28.10

Don't want to be rude here, but...
WORST BAR EVER!

I don't even want to know what's in that spray bottle.

04.27.10

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

04.26.10

ARE YOU READY TO GET PUMPED?
ARE YOU READY FOR REAL ULTIMATE POWER?
ARE YOU READY FOR TOTAL AVIAN DOMINATION!
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR….
BIRD NINJA!!!

04.23.10

I totally had something clever and witty to say about this photo.. But then me and the Silverfox started talking about how the people (read: butt-nuggets) at the JiffyLube always screw us over, yet we still take our cars there,... So anyhow. Happy Weekend!

04.22.10

I wonder if celebrating Earth Day ever makes Uranus jealous.
Heh. Heh.

04.21.10

Jurassic Parking.

Dear Timber (or "Timber")
Although your reason for quotations eludes me, I have taken it upon myself to coin you a tag-line for what I am sure is a thriving business. So, without further ado:

Timber (or "Timber")- Let his itty-bitty limbs trim yours.

I will be sending you an bill for $200
It has been nice doing business with you,
FOP

04.20.10

Dish-drainer, dish-drainer
Drain me a dish!
Dry me a stein.
Catch me a drip.

04.19.10

Dear FOP:

I haven’t seen anything from RH in a while. Is he okay?

Curious in Colorado
_______________________

Dear Curious-
I’d like to introduce you to the man who single handedly took an entire mountain of skiers (including a handful of his elite colleagues) back to the 1980s with his epic Daffy skillz. The past few months have been filled with booze and turret-esque shouts of
STAY OFF MY LAWN!
Regards-
FOP

04.16.10

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!
Happy Weekend Kids!

04.15.10

FOP: Hey dad, what do you think of using this pic as a clever visual metaphor for tax day...
SLVRFX: Makes me think I need to spend some of that refund on a bottle of moisturizer.

04.14.10

TRUCK-STOP PUPPY!
TRUCK-STOP PUPPY!
TRUCK-STOP PUPPY!
TRUCK-STOP PUPPY!

04.13.10

1991
I truly believed that making hemp “friendship” bracelets was a lucrative career path … I also thought hacky-sack should be an Olympic sport.

04.12.10

Q. What's it like to be trapped in an old attic surrounded by wicker and rocking horses?
A. Horrifying.

04.09.10

reCORNnaissance mission

The cob has landed.
Kernel I repeat, the cob has landed.

04.08.10

Conversations with the BossMan:

BM: Whats the abbreviation for May?
FOP: The month?
BM: Yeah, duh.
FOP: I think its L.A.Z.Y.

04.07.10

APRIL SHOWERS!!!!
The Saying goes "APRIL SHOWERS"!
NOT "APRIL LITTLE DAGGERS OF ICE"!!!!
Sheesh!

04.06.10

HAPPY COMMUNIST EASTER!!!
Pick any color of egg you'd like!

04.05.10

THE FOP RECIPE FOR AWESOME
Combine
1 - Wood-paneled Living Room
1 - "Albanian Techno" Playlist
8 - "20something" Yr. Old Ladies
Sprinkle Generously with Booze!

Enjoy!

04.02.10

I CAN HAS A MARSHMALLOW PEEP!*
* It is hidden in my NECK FAT!

04.01.10

Me FOP. Me Play Joke.

Dear Staffers,

Whoever refilled the Aleve™ bottle in the break room with Viagra™…
NOT FUNNY!

Sincerely-
Todd

03.31.10

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES:
Students Seek To Get High Legally.

Well this is a sorry state of affairs. Are today's youth that unmotivated? Back in my day we hijacked a bush plane and flew to Columbia with a pocket full of stolen water balloons and Ex-Lax to get high.

03.30.10

Do you think wearing my clogs to the office is inappropriate?

No. I mean, unless they clash with your sweatpants.

03.29.10

In these tough economic times...
I will give FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS to the next person who has a baby and names it ROY.*

*Birth Certificate and Social Security card required proofage!
** Also, this picture has nothing to do with anything, except when I look at if for a long time it kind of makes me sick.

03.26.10

Things I learned today:
1. If you eat 10,000 chicken wings you’ll have an $800 bar tab.
2. You can wear a mock turtleneck & polo shirt (simultaneously!) to work and not get sent home.
3. Making fun of your boss’ forehead pimple... bad idea.
4. These are potatoes…

03.25.10

AHHEM!
Do you see the gentleman behind me? Yes? For a caffeinated drink and a brownie I will gladly snap his suspenders and give him a Wet Willy. Do we have a deal here, or are you wasting my time?

03.24.10

Rub a dub dollar,
Three men in a trawler,
And who do you think they be?
The Tower, the rower,
The propane flame thrower?

03.23.10

Confectionery (con·fec·tion·ery):noun
A 1930's term for what is commonly known today as a "Beer Cave".

03.22.10

Old-Fashioned Remedies.

FOP: Hey dad, what's that trick for making it so your hands don’t’ smell like onions?
SlvrFx: Gloves.

03.19.10

Dude, your stamen is dusty.
Happy Weekend.

03.18.10

In my opinion if you are going to go ask the neighbors if you can borrow a cup of sugar AND a cup of flour, I think you may as well just cut to the chase and borrow a cup of cake.

03.17.10

FOP: Um Dad, what’s up with the… ensemble?
SlvrFX: I think says “Irish Immigrant”.
FOP: I think it says “Creepy leprechaun.”
SlvrFX: I’m just trying to celebrate my heritage, don’t ruin it.
FOP: You’re not Irish.
SlvrFX: Well, I can drink like I am.
FOP: Touché.

03.16.10

Pop Quiz!
On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being Cher on her Farewell Tour. 10 being Lady Gaga) how do you rank the gaudiness of the items in this photo?
1. Earrings ____
2. Sea-Monster Blue Formica Counter top ____

03.15.10

Honah Lee, 1974? REMEMBER!!! You frolicked in the autumn mist?
DUDE THAT WAS OFF THE HOOK... But man, what was up with you and that little Jackie Paper dude?

03.12.10

A DIY WEEKEND!
In an attempt to be more environmentally conscientious, Bart and Darlene used eco-friendly materials to cover the windows of their new Meth-House instead of the industry standard aluminum foil.

03.11.10

TWO THINGS THAT MAY BE CONSIDERED INAPPROPRIATE:
1."I have a life size cardboard cut-out of Merlin Olsen in my garage... don't ask me why."
2. See above.

03.10.10

FOP: Um, I don't think we should go there.

SlvrFox: Some of the best huntin' around is over there.

FOP: I don't think it's safe.

SlvrFox: Safer than driving a Toyota.

FOP: DAD! WE ARE IN A CAMRY!!!

SlvrFox: How much you weigh?

FOP:...

03.09.10

Consider your Ivories' tickled.

Shame on you Lois! Requesting Three 6 Mafia at this piano bar???
Could you please limit your artists to Billy Joel and Tori Amos!

03.08.10

It's choose your own lame caption day!!!!

1. Shake Ya Tailfeather Son
2. Baby Got Aflac
3. Moby Duck
4. Does this color make my butt look big?

03.05.10

Can you keep up, turn the beat up!
She rocks the party that rocks the body!
Happy Birthday Ladyfox.

03.04.10

Deep Thoughts...

Every time I drive by The Mad Greek I wonder if they mean CRAZY Mad OR ANGRY Mad. Either way that Greek is probably “mad” because no one really knows how to pronounce GYRO.

Poor Greek.

03.03.10

We are experiencing some technical difficulties at FOP HQ.

03.02.10

CRAP!
The FOP interweb is broken.


I think IT guy, spilled stew on the server, hold tight.

03.01.10

Of these three men…
Only one claims to be Vin Diesel’s intellectual stunt double AND the Secret Love Child of Pierce Brosnan and Alec Baldwin.