Area Bachelor Officially Relinquishes Title as Cruise Activities Director & Ties Knot in Beachside Ceremony.
The man who brought you this and this is getting married as we speak… in HAWAII!
“Yeah it’s kind of crazy,” reports a close friend, “I asked if he wanted to play some poker, drink a few beers and he said, ‘Ssssssth, yeah me and the lady, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if I’ll have enough time.’ It was really weird.”
Many claim the wedding was staged as a "media ploy" intended to convince the public that just because your last girlfriend looked like Richard Nixon doesn’t mean you're screwed for life.
“Hey I know that guy! That asshole lived in my basement!” exclaimed former roommate Bob upon hearing the news. “Man the last time I saw him he was running up and down the stairs like a mad hyena shouting ‘I believe in miracles. I believe in miracles.’ What was that all about?”
At this time CIA Intelligence cannot confirm where the couple will call home upon returning to the mainland, however it was revealed that they would have a happy, gluten-free life together.
Anyway, Blah blah blah.
Congratulations Old Friend!
mazel tov!
* The man who is featured today never reads/sees this but hey its a cute pic
