09.05.12

Hey little guy.
I didn't mean to sneak up on you....
It's just, I thought you'd hear me.

09.04.12

I'm being followed by a moon shadow
Moon shadow moon shadow!
Leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
Moon shadow moon shadow.

(I have just infiltrated your mind with the most awesome lyrics ever written! No need to thank me!)

08.31.12

REDNECK-OGNIZE!
May your cup runneth over this holiday weekend.



Be Safe Y'all!

08.30.12

Despair & Sadness
This is how I feel about 2 Broke Girls being preempted by 2 Rich White Guys.

08.29.12

I get all my sunglasses from the lost and found, at my work... as you can imagine I have horrible nose acne.

08.27.12

This is where the little cotton balls for the q-tips come from... or something

08.27.12

Seriously, these aren't puka shells, and if you ask me one more time if I drive a Civic I'm going to punch you.

08.24.12

Welcome to our OOL!

You wanna know why there's no "P" in it?
Cuz all you all went back to school. That's why!

08.23.12

Gourd-geous!

08.22.12

So you take one lousy picture of Mars and they think its an open invitation to use your lawn as a landing strip!

08.21.12

Curious?
Remember that one time I went to Mars.

08.20.12

Every time I see this, I expect to see a hobbit... and his hairy little feet.

08.16.12

Just passing thru.

08.15.12

Regarding Quinoa
1. It's not as awesome as you think.
2. It's pronounced like some sort of Kung Fu move... Kin•WAAAAAAAA!
3. If you spill it on carpet, it has a half-life comparable to that of uranium-238

08.14.12

Afternoon Delight!
I love colorful, winged insex...

You see what i did there. Wink-wink, nudge nudge.

08.13.12

What I get for working late.

08.10.12

I'm going to miss you all so much this weekend.
I'm pretty choked up about it.

08.09.12

The perfect place for a family photo...
You know, if you want a picture of your entire family in cardiac arrest.

08.08.12

I scream because its hot.

08.07.12

Hey Bruce!

A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bar tender says to him, "Hey we have drink named after you."
The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Bruce?"

08.06.12

Things I learned (this weekend) from the Ladyfox:

1. Never pass up a chance to buy a Costco Rotisserie Chicken.
2. Rihanna's "Where Have You Been" is probably the best song ever sang.
3. It's okay to fart in a Marshalls discount store.
4. She has the legs of a Nepalese sherpa... they just keep going and going and going.

08.03.12

I hid the booze...

under ice and citrus wedges.

08.02.12

It's a flower...
A moist flower.

08.01.12

Lunar Power.

07.31.12

Nature's Math
I think you can tell the age of a tree by counting the rings... er something.

07.30.12

Long and lean.
Baked or stringy.
Who don’t love, a fresh picked bean-y?

07.27.12

Oh Thank Heaven!
This morning's view from my 7-11!

07.26.12

And suddenly...
I was being followed by a giant purple owl.

07.25.12

It will burn your retinas.

07.24.12

It's Pretty Refreshing When You're Pulling an Ox-Cart!

Sometimes I wonder what the Mormon pioneers filled their whiskey barrels with...
I'm thinking Coke or that punch with the decorative ring of pineapple sherbet floating in it.

07.23.12

FOP Safari!
Look who goes there! A silverfox in his natural habitat. Watch as he roams through the golden plains seeking sustenance and looking to smite down upon any critter who dares enter his domain.
Alas! You never know what lurks around the corner while on safari.

07.19.12

Active Ingredients
Each Vicodin capsule contains 8 snow cones, 1 bounce house (with slide) and 4 puppies .

07.18.12

An Eggstravagant Plant!
I'll give you a nickel if you can tell me what this lavender beauty will mature into.

07.17.12

I look at this and all I can think of is the man who at 2 chile verde enchiladas and a vat of curry in less than 24 hours.

Good luck to you this evening fine sir!

07.16.12

How did it get so shiny?

07.12.12

For the safety of my nuts, please step away from the rocks.

07.10.12

HOW HOT IS IT?!
I made this for you.
On the file rack.
In my office.

07.09.12

Toot! Toot! It's Monday.

07.06.12

Red Air Weekend Plans
I'm going to watch Backdraft and remember fondly those 165 minutes when Billy Baldwin was relevant.

07.05.12

RECAP: A Redneck Fourth O Juuuuuuuuuly!

BBQ, fireworks and a little bit of moonshine.

07.04.12

236 Years!
Hell yeah America!
Let's Barbeque!

Be safe out there y'all!

07.03.12

How hot was it?

So hot I think it melted my spots.

06.29.12

Peace out.

06.28.12

I dunno. It looks a little, uh, hungry to me.

06.27.12

Quilted Wagon?

06.26.12

And then there was this...

06.25.12

The Sacred Grove

It was here, where a man carrying a large staff, draped in plaid flannel approacheth me and revealed there was still 2 miles to go and that my lungs would probably burst before I reached the top. I offered thanks and then laid down and wept.

06.22.12

Some dude.
Conquering nature,
with nothing but a tank top and backpack,
and tweeting about it.

06.21.12

Summer Vacation? HECK YES!

Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?

I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines with a bow-staff.

06.20.12

Nature, you sexy beast!

And I quote, "Mommy look, this pine cone has a french manicure!"