01.12.12

All signs point towards the tree.

01.11.12

Those little round feathery blobs... they're birds.

So much for being artistic.

01.10.12

You sir, are a Gear Hoarder...
It won't be long before your most cherished possessions are nestled amongst empty Hot-Pocket boxes, arthritic cats and little bits of stained yarn.

01.09.12

The strawberries taste like strawberries.
The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
The crackberries taste like... crackberries?

01.06.12

To be honest, I'm not quite sure whats going on here.
To be a liar, there's one helluva a rave on the other side of that mountain.

01.04.12

Is it a prawn or a shrimp?
Either way, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

01.03.12

Because I AM A MOTIVATOR!

Today, I left this little note for my dieting coworker.

01.02.12

I would like to thank Hallmark for producing the "Fisher Price House Party" 2011 commemorative ornament.
And also for recognizing that no house party is complete with out a visit from Scumbag Steve* (in the lower lefthand window!)

*confused go here

12.30.11

Thanks 2011.
I had a ball. Really, I did.

12.29.11

What I learned over the holidays.

It's not a good idea to ask a "cheese specialist" (Fromagetologist?), " Does this come in individually wrapped slices?"

12.28.11

Stamen & Pistil
Dude, even plant anatomy makes me giggle.

12.27.11

Winning
I didn't think it could be done, but these guys TOTALLY WON CHRISTMAS!

12.26.11

Post Christmas Tradition.
For the seventh year in a row , Marjorie Krinkle spent the day after Christmas drinking Everclear and anxiously awaiting the delivery of her 4 month supply of Zoloft.

12.23.11

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love told me a joke about drummers.

What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

Badum -Ching. Merry Christmas y'all.

12.22.11

On the eleventh day of Christmas... Okay pipers, I think that's enough piping.

12.21.11

On the tenth day of Christmas... Lords (of the Flies) a leapin'.

12.20.11

On the ninth day of Christmas... there was a lady, dancing. But not the kind of lady that mistakenly stabs herself with a shard of broken mirror in an attempt to attain dancing perfection.

12.19.11

On the eighth day of Christmas... There were maids making tea for a tea party and there was probably some milking going on. I suck at the 12 days of Christmas.

12.18.11

On the seventh day of Christmas...there weren't any swans, but if there were they'd probably be running through sprinklers.

12.17.11

On the sixth day of Christmas there were geese a strayin'... cuz geese gots to get paaaaaid too.

12.15.11

On the fifth day of Christmas... FIIIIIIIIIIIIVE HUNDERED GOOOOOOOOOOOLD RIIIIIIINGS!

12.15.11

On the fourth day of Christmas... 1984 called and said it wanted it's phone back.

12.14.11

On the third day of Christmas my True Love gave me... Bonjour!Je suis un poulet français.

12.13.11

On the second day of Christmas my True Love gave me two turtle rugs.

I wike turduls.

12.12.11

On the first day of Christmas my True Love gave me a pear... with rosacea.
Thanks hoss!

12.09.11

A broken Haiku.

Friday nights are for PIZZA,
and bathing your cats,
19 clean kitties 1 greazy box.

12.08.11

Hide-and-Go-Leaf?
Dude, nice try leaf. I can totally still see you.

12.07.11

LOOK WHAT I BUILT,
In my office.

Because its cold.

You see what I did there?

12.06.11

What is it?
It's the teat of a quince. They remind me of my grandpa... quinces, not teats... well for the most part anyhow.

12.05.11

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You made it so the nosy neighbors couldn’t see.
Who knew you could fly higher than an eagle,
Thanks to the wind beneath your locking tongue & groove, titanium-reinforced, lattice-accented vinyl wings.

12.01.11

December 1st = Festive Pepper Day

11.30.11

So, you were wondering where freeze-dried corn came from?

11.29.11

And there was this...

11.28.11

Hope you enjoyed "Black Friday" or as we like to call it here at FOP HQ, "OCCUPY WAL-MART".

Now, GET BACK TO WORK!

11.23.11

The Miracle of Thanksgiving?
Cream of mushroom soup, green beans and burnt onions somehow become an 'appetizing' side dish... a miracle indeed.

11.22.11

New! Camouflage Pattern for 2012: Mothy Oak.

11.21.11

I know, it's gord-geous.

11.18.11

You got some flower in your crack.

That's all I got folks!

11.17.11

Croquet Like a BOSS!

What can I say, he just really loves croquet.

11.15.11

Chicken S#*t!
Today I promised my boss I wouldn't talk about laxatives in our meeting.
I think I have officially hit rock bottom* in Corporate America.

* no pun intended, sort of.

11.14.11

Monday Crisis

Apparently there is some confusion as to whether you can use food stamps to purchase nachos and a box of condoms (on a Monday afternoon NO LESS!)
And from what I observed, said "confusion" ultimately results in cheesy-goodness dripping down a 7-Eleven Company issued polyester smock.

11.11.11

A FOP REQUEST: The Home Depot... in my mouf.

And... YES I SAVED THEM!!!!
At $625 a piece, they represent the largest part of my retirement portfolio.

11.10.11

Just thinking
Today I found myself wondering what percentage of the crud in my keyboard is made up of Pop-Tart an what percentage is some sort of expunged human waste. Gross.

11.09.11

What? You don't like that color?
Where I come from, I do believe you'd get your butt kicked for painting it that color.

11.08.11

Who Me?
I'll be right back... talk amongst yourselves!

11.07.11

It's all relative...

Client: Cant you just make my logo red... Not cherry red, but RED! Like TOMATO RED.

FOP: Yup.

11.04.11

Hooo Hoooo Hooo is it?

Dude I think I found Chris Tucker's spirit animal.

11.03.11

I got nothing.
I sat in a TacoTime parking lot at lunch for 30 minutes today...
Waiting for inspiration for today's FOP caption.
And the only thing I got was a stern lecture about loitering, and the environmental ramifications of idling my car.

11.02.11

Día de los Muertos

A day where dead people party like there's no tomorrow... which is confusing to me.

11.01.11

A Magical Time of Year

'Tis the season where "Halloween City" turns back into old, abandoned Borders stores.