11.06.09

When I was 5 I used to think it would be so rad to live in a mushroom... I also thought snot bubbles were rad too.

11.05.09

It was right after this picture that my hands burst into flames.

11.04.09

Dude, you got some crud between your teeth.

11.03.09

My contribution to the Office "Chili Cook-Off" Potluck.
Bon Appetit!

11.02.09

Post Halloween Clean Up...

LDFX: You can put that on the shelf behind the Christmas Decorations.
FOP: MOM! You use the same bowl of candy corn every year?!?
LDFX: Of course, no one really likes that crap.
FOP: HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THIS BOWL OF CANDY CORN?
LDFX: Hmm. Remember the year you dressed up as Rainbow Brite?
FOP: 1984?!?!?!
LDFX: Or was it JEM & The Holograms
FOP: Sigh…

10.31.09

You have sit on the hump.

I don't want to sit on the hump, it hurts my bony butt.

Tough.

Happy Halloweenie!

10.30.09

Halloweenie Week: Day 5

HALLOWEEN POT LUCK SIGN-UP SHEET!!!
Ghosts – Potato Casserole
Dracula – Pasta Casserole
Ghouls – Tuna Casserole
Witches… A keg?

10.29.09

Halloweenie Week: Day 4
Holy rusted pruning shears Batman! What happened?

Robin, boy-wonder and trusted side-kick, YOUR FIRED!

10.28.09

Halloweenie Week: Day 3
Shiver me timbers… It’s The Jolly Honda!
Lights-up the dashboard AND your cigarettes SIMULTANEOUSLY, savvy?

10.27.09

Halloweenie Week: Day 2
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater…
Went home.
Probably with a sever case of explosive diarrhea.

10.26.09

Hey Ladies! Shine up your cauldrons and groom your warts its...

Halloweenie Week 2009!!

10.23.09

KIBOSH!!!
Surprised? Not really.

10.22.09

FOP: I wish I weren’t allergic to peanuts
RH: You should get some sunflower seeds.
FOP: Aren’t those the same as peanuts?
RH: NO, if they were they would be called pea seeds… or sun nuts
FOP: …
RH: Hey, I’m just sayin’ what everyone’s thinkin’

10.21.09

If Jeff Foxworthy were a photographer...
Sure not as artsy as those folks that make clocks out of driftwood, but still purdy nice.

10.20.09

DICE CHOP & MINCE IN SECONDS
With the HUMAN SLAPCHOP™!

Dismember in seconds not minutes. It's Quick & Easy.

Order your HUMAN SLAPCHOP™ now, and receive a Hefty Garbage Bag absolutely FREE!

10.19.09

Were there not a 3-ring circus going on in my office this afternoon, this may have been a better photo... but then again probably not.

10.16.09

Local christian rock band, "The Worship Circus" pose for the cover of their upcoming album Breakin’ Bread All Up in Your Grill.

10.15.09

Winter comes early for the mediocre photographer...

10.14.09

Hmmm, It’s clever, but what its really saying to me is “If you hitch a ride, your olfactory senses will be besieged with a splendid bouquet of wet, moldy ski bibs AND a gassy dog.

10.13.09

FOP MD
Ruptured spleen?
Blow to the kidneys?
Or was it the beets?

10.12.09

Another spectacular employment opportunity brought to you by FOP.
Heck, I bet if you asked nicely, you'd probably get Columbus Day off.

10.09.09

Barnyard Week: Day #5

This little piggy went to a tavern,
This little piggy drank alone,
This little piggy had a margarita,
This little piggy had rum.
And this little piggy said…
"I love you man"
all the way home!

Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!

10.08.09

Barnyard Week: Day #3
I don't need no stinking wizard!

I’d be eatin’ cobs of corn,
While starrin’ in some porn
If my looks were not so worn
But instead this cart I’m towin’
And my chin, it needs some mowin’
If I only had a horn

10.07.09

Barnyard Week: Day #3
Local celebrity tries to OUTSHINE the inherent charm of America’s favorite barnyard native… Fail.

10.06.09

Barnyard Week: Day #2
Mom was totally pissed about the piercing… I hope she doesn't find out where this chain goes.

10.05.09

Dear FOP-

Are you going to have Barnyard Week this year?

— Sheepless in Seattle

______________________


Dear Sheepless

Did Colonel Sanders put potatoes, corn, coleslaw, chicken AND gravy AND CHEESE into ONE BOWL and call it a fine dining?

-FOP

10.02.09

Hey Young Man!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: A mannequin, an attorney, a gay man, and a lush walk into a bar…

10.01.09

You decide.
A new variety of Kashi cereal?
OR
Caveman toilet paper?

09.30.09

FOP! What the heck is it?
35¢ to you, if you know what it is.
$10 to me, if I can remember if you are right.

09.29.09

Hot dog on a stick.
Chicken in a biscuit.
Cat in a hat.
Pigs in a blanket...

09.28.09

Ripped from the headlines:

Area Designer Ralph Lauren Says "Overalls Are BACK"; KrissKross and Kid ‘n Play Announce Comeback Tour.

09.25.09

Why hello PETA!

Happy Weekend!

09.24.09

100% Silverfox
"I am to peppers as Juan Valdez is to coffee beans!!! Minus Conchita the mule of course."

09.23.09

FOP: What are you going to do with it?
RH: Put it in a jar.
FOP: Then what?
RH: Put it in my fridge.
FOP: Why?
RH: FOR SCIENCE!!!
FOP: And by “science” you mean, “Because I am an aspiring serial killer and the logistics of putting actual road kill in my fridge is not feasible due to my recent trip to Costco”?
RH: … 64 cans of Diet Pepsi takes up a lot of room you know.

09.22.09

Credit/Pay inside?
Credit

Regular/supreme Unleaded?
Regular.

Car wash? Yes or No?
No?

Jesus Clouds? Yes or No?
Uh... Yes?

09.21.09

It’s probably just me, but does anyone else find it hilarious and also TOTALLY AWESOME that plums are in the shapes of little butts?

09.18.09

FOP FAIR WEEK!

STEP RIGHT UP! STEP RIGHT UP! Win the little lady a prize!!!
2 Darts for $20! Haven’t you always wanted a giant stuffed banana, a dragon... errr a SILVER FOX!

Happy Birthday Fox!

09.17.09

FOP FAIR WEEK
Although its odor is pungent, the elusive Carnie is a majestic creature and full of surprises. I will visit his City of Fun anytime.

09.16.09

FOP FAIR WEEK!
No, I will not go on that. Why?
1. The guy operating it has a hook for a hand…
2. and he smells like my grandma’s bathroom.
3. I paid $16 for a corn dog, I’m keeping it as long as I can.

09.15.09

FOP FAIR WEEK
Where for just $16 you can buy 2 minutes with a 30 foot horse made of unsalted, sweet-cream butter or ONE of these.

09.14.09

One dollar, dolla dolla! Two! Now two, now two, will you give me 2? Two dolla! now Three, now three, will you give me three?
SOLD!
One half melted hay covered popsicle to the purdy little hussy with the black eyeliner in the fourth row!

WELCOME TO FOP FAIR WEEK!

09.11.09

Whatcha doin'?

Oh, you know, watchin' paint dry.

That so? How long you been here?

87 years.

09.10.09

Lookin’ Good.
Milling Wind.

09.09.09

Welcome to the jungle...
Just goes to show, great taste is far from extinct.

I just thought y'all should see this. It's real.No PhotoShop.

09.08.09

Just a flower.
In the sun.
Sitting on the counter.
In a shotglass.
Filled with vodka.
Or something.

09.07.09

Boo Hoo!
Because I know y'all are laboring soo hard today....
It's is kind of like watching Amistad... or Clerks.

09.04.09

41 Years later and they still laugh at each other’s farts.

Congrats you crazy kids.

09.03.09

Where rubber meets the road...and some leaves, sticks and probably some chicken poop.

09.02.09

And the winner is… YOU! YES, YOU!!!
Because, in life, there can only be one winner… maybe two… three is pushing it… four, totally out of the question.

09.01.09

Roam if you want to…

Uh, so what are we going to do today?

Roam.

Then what are we going to do tomorrow?

Roam.

Worst summer vacation ever!