06.30.09

I am in a meeting.
I’ve been in a meeting for 7 hours.
They shove sustenance through this hole as to keep me alive so “the Man” can further bore me with his business philosophies...
Send Help...

06.29.09

I killed the 2 varmints who were trying to set up house in the shed WITH ONE SHOT!!!

Nice, but don’t you think using a bazooka was overkill?

06.26.09

Week of the Weird: Day #5

Huh, how about that.
I guess I couldn’t have picked a better close for FOP Week of the Weird.
Today’s photo was slated to be paired with some snarky comment about unsuspecting children and this awesome souvenir I picked up at Neverland Ranch.
BUT THEN YOU DIED MICHAEL JACKSON… WTF!!
And because FOP is klassy, we won’t mention detachable noses, dangling babies on balconies, or that time your hair caught on fire…
Too Soon! Too Soon!

Instead I raise my rhinestone glitter-glove to the sky, and say fair-thee-well to the Moonwalker in the Clouds.

GOOD NIGHT SWEET PRINCE!

06.25.09

Week of the Weird: Day #4
Put on your blue suede shoes and break out the good China!
THE KING is coming to dinner!

06.24.09

Week of the Weird: Day #3

FOP: Mom what happened?!
LDYFX: Your father says it was Karma.
FOP: Probably so.
LDYFX: I don’t KNOW anyone named Karma!
FOP: …
LDYFX: I am going to tell people it was a ninja.
FOP: So, are you saying you KNOW a ninja?

06.23.09

Week of the Weird: Day #2
Yeah so it appears Elton John and Fidel Castro had a love child?!?
Wow, I don't think anyone saw that coming.

06.22.09

I have collection of odd photos, that I am not quite sure what to do with. So on that note, let FOP Week of the Weird (and Gross) commence.

FOP Week of the Weird: Day #1
Tastes like chicken… and asphalt?

06.19.09

Which one (1) of the following quotes is from the Silverfox:
a. Go ahead, make my day.
b. Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do ya?
c. GET OFF MY LAWN!
d. I am going to hog-tie the next person who uses the Space Bar instead of a Tab!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

06.18.09

On Guard!
Fencing, it’s not just for 12th Century douchebags!

06.17.09

You say tomato…
I say 57 preservatives and 27 seconds in a blender shy of a condiment.

06.16.09

A typical conversation with the Ladyfox:

LDYFX: Whaddaya think is worse, a fart or ugly wallpaper?

FOP: Well, only one can be fixed by opening a window.

LDYFX: Speak for yourself kiddo.

06.15.09

What up Dogg?

Aw man my corn rows is all wet!

Yeah Playa, and they crooked too.

06.12.09

OMG!!! A Murder She Wrote/ Golden Girls WEEKEND MARATHON!!!
Thank heavens. I’m ready to install my digital converter!!
Gloves, CHECK.
Goggles, CHECK.
Helmet…
No helmet?!?!
Nooooooooooo!

06.11.09

Making Brownies with RH… or something

RH: I CALL!! I get to lick the beaters!!!!!!!!

FOP: Dude. Don’t lick the beaters.

RH: Oh yeah, right, salmonella…

FOP: That, or the Bubonic plague.

06.10.09

HOW LITTLE WAS IT!

Dear FOP,

We regret to inform you that your zucchini is to little for the interweb. Don't feel bad, it happens to a lot of applicants. Better luck next time.

Sincerely,
Management

06.09.09

Things I learned about a crane operator, from a crane operator, while stuck on a closed freeway... for 3 hours:

1. He has a nasty case of "chronic vertigo".
2. He has a mistress in Pahrump, NV named Connie.
3. In 1987, his spit reached terminal velocity.
4. He can pee in a bottle.
5. He can go "number 2” in a Ziploc bag.
6. At the end of the day, he can pack numbers 4 & 5 out… in his lunch box.

Good times.

06.08.09

Field of Hoop Dreams:
“If you build it… some corn plantin’, cattle herdin’, tractor drivin’ Ya-Hoo, who can’t done jump good (in boots), will run over it with a plow or a swather or a ski-doo or something."

06.06.09

Booze Time!
Party Time!
Excellent!
Happy Weekend!

06.04.09

Perspective? What the hell?
Honestly FOP. If we were meant to see this, God would have made us all about 1.5 inches tall. Come on, get a clue.

06.03.09

RH: I am soooo slammed! “The Man” is really sticking it to me today, and its only 8:30.
FOP: Uh, its almost 11:00
RH: See I’m delirious! That’s how hard I’m working!!!!
FOP: Your didn’t get there until 10:45.
RH: Don’t you understand? I’VE WORKED MORE IN 15 MINUTES THAN MOST PEOPLE DO in 3 HOURS!
FOP: I guess I missed that.
RH: Hey, I’ll call you back, I’ve got to get to lunch, all this work has made me ravenous.
FOP: …

06.02.09

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
Cuz she was old and nuts! And thought holding a Mixed Martial Arts Contest in her stomach would be sort of AWESOME.

Sooo…

She swallowed the spider to wrastle the fly (that I guess she ate when the cat food ran out). Where it performed 8 of the top 10 submission moves (one with each leg, of course!) on that pathetic fly…

I guess it died.

06.01.09

Stanley AND the Silverfox agree:
Scarecrows are for wussies!