09.23.11

This Guy

Livin' life.

Like a boss.

09.01.11

HUGE MULTI-AGENCY YARD SALE
8am - Noon • Please no early birds!

Items include but are not limited to:
 • Composite cases
 • Thermal control systems
 • Satellite propulsion tanks
 • Deployable solar arrays and mechanisms

08.10.11

VIOLATOR

Breakin' the law... like a boss.

07.30.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 5

Dear Bob-

You are pretty spectacular. Suave, witty, compassionate, and VERY fashionable, but I think this guy tried to steal your thunder… and your receipts. If he didn’t live west of 1300 E., you’d probably have to fire bomb his house. Anyhow, before you go looking for your receipts in all the “usual places”… under the car, the parking garage, in the RedBox DVD cases… you may want to check under the top-hat and ruffles.

Cheerio!
FOP

07.29.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 4

“Today is my birthday! I can’t believe they didn’t make it a national holiday.”
DON’T ASK WHAT BOB CAN DO FOR YOU! ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR BOB!

07.27.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 2

RH: ADAM! We got invited to the same party! Pretty cool, don’t you think?

Adam: …

RH: You know how we could make this moment more about me? By putting these on our heads.

Adam: …

RH: Do you think someone is trying to burn down my house?

Adam: Yes.

03.30.10

Do you think wearing my clogs to the office is inappropriate?

No. I mean, unless they clash with your sweatpants.

07.29.09

BobKwanzaa Day #2

This 'Lance Armstrong/Angelina Jolie Moment' brought to you by Radio Shack*.

* Bob would never shop at Radio Shack… ever. Why? Because radios and shacks fall under the category of “Things Poor People Like.”

07.27.09

Hey everybody! FOP’s favorite muse is celebrating a birthday this week. (I know, I know it seems like BobHanukkah was just yesterday.) As we all know, this tolerant, charitable man, has opened his heart and home to the down-trodden and destitute for the past 35 years, so let us take time this week to embrace all that is Robert… unless you are sick (or may be sick, or one of your kids is sick), then get the hell out of here…

Thus begins The 5 days of BobKwanzaa: A Celebration of Bob, His Stuff, and his tireless battle against those “assholes” who are trying to sabotage his affluent lifestyle… or trying to burn down his house… or door-ding his beloved truck.

06.03.09

RH: I am soooo slammed! “The Man” is really sticking it to me today, and its only 8:30.
FOP: Uh, its almost 11:00
RH: See I’m delirious! That’s how hard I’m working!!!!
FOP: Your didn’t get there until 10:45.
RH: Don’t you understand? I’VE WORKED MORE IN 15 MINUTES THAN MOST PEOPLE DO in 3 HOURS!
FOP: I guess I missed that.
RH: Hey, I’ll call you back, I’ve got to get to lunch, all this work has made me ravenous.
FOP: …

04.17.09

According to Penal Code Sec. 1191.76
Your book!
Your book!
Your book is on FIRE!

04.15.09

Baseball's Biggest Fan!

FOP: How was the game?

RH: The best baseball game I ever went to!

FOP: 7th Inning Stretch? Peanuts and Cracker Jacks?

RH: Naw man, it was ‘Rained Out” we went and got enchiladas and drank margarita's!!!

FOP: You should get season tickets.

04.01.09

Happy April Fool(s) Day.
Celebrate like you mean it.

03.04.09

What I learned at Space Camp

Q: Are there Klingons around Uranus?

A: Nope, I wash thoroughly!

02.24.09

Does it look like I’m listening to you?

Adam: It makes Joshalynn anxious when we yell at Bob.
FOP: It’s not our fault he has Self-Imposed Aspergers.
Adam: To us it's just normal Bob conversation.
FOP: Even the Prince of Brigham yells at him.
Adam: I don’t think he even notices.
FOP: Kind of like Battered Wife Syndrome?
Adam: Uh…
FOP: We verbally abuse him. But we still love him.
Adam: Should we start saying, “Aw Baby, it’ll never happen again?"
FOP: Let’s not go that far.

*Yesterdays pic... if you even remember it. They skylight of a Yurt.

09.11.08

NEW! On the Discovery Channel: Esquires vs. Wild

Three white-collared attorneys are dropped into harsh, unforgiving legal situations around the globe, from class B misdemeanors and deed transfers to interlocutory appeals and baby-daddy disputes, left to prove their mental superiority. Our heroes will be forced to edit macros, time stamp documents, fend off office cougar attacks and drink fluids extracted from rhinoceros feces.

Tune in tonight and see The Esquires as they face the toughest challenge yet… talking to poor people!

06.05.08

NASA Scientist Erects $3.7 Billion Cell Phone Satellite in Front Yard.
Still Squats in Laundry Room to Avoid Dropped Calls.

04.17.08

I knew my afternoon would be awesome when I came back from lunch and found someone had used my computer to Google “predator braids.”

04.16.08

ex pong facto
Subsequent to receiving a Juris Doctor, law school graduates are required to participate in a state or provincial table tennis competition in order to practice law. This multi-state Ping Pong Tournament is a crucial component of the bar examination in almost all United States jurisdictions. Although seemingly innocuous, bloodshed and uncouth comments concerning opponents warm-up suits are highly probable.
I will now use the words scintilla and res judicata to reinforce the fact my intellect is far superior to yours. Good Day!

03.19.08

I was informed by an official government employee that he “waited” at work an additional 15 minutes in anticipation of a witty caption to accompany yesterdays photo and was “totally let down”.

Now, I am very aware that “waiting” is an elite assignment awarded to our nations most highly trained individuals, and I realize that those precious moments could have been spent Googling “midget farts”, researching “hobo mating rituals” or taking advantage of a "mandatory smoke break". So please, accept my sincerest apology for adding that additional .25 hours to your already strenuous 3.75 hr workday and for “totally letting you down.”