07.30.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 5

Dear Bob-

You are pretty spectacular. Suave, witty, compassionate, and VERY fashionable, but I think this guy tried to steal your thunder… and your receipts. If he didn’t live west of 1300 E., you’d probably have to fire bomb his house. Anyhow, before you go looking for your receipts in all the “usual places”… under the car, the parking garage, in the RedBox DVD cases… you may want to check under the top-hat and ruffles.

Cheerio!
FOP

07.29.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 4

“Today is my birthday! I can’t believe they didn’t make it a national holiday.”
DON’T ASK WHAT BOB CAN DO FOR YOU! ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR BOB!

07.28.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 3

RH: I think I’m a likeable guy.

FOP: People think you’re an asshole.

RH: Not possible.

FOP: You just asked that girl if her mom slept with Encino Man!

RH: Totally legitimate question. You saw her forehead.

07.27.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 2

RH: ADAM! We got invited to the same party! Pretty cool, don’t you think?

Adam: …

RH: You know how we could make this moment more about me? By putting these on our heads.

Adam: …

RH: Do you think someone is trying to burn down my house?

Adam: Yes.

07.26.10

There comes a time in every mans life… okay maybe just one man’s life… when he evolves from that quirky guy who has mustard stains on his shirt and worries about whether he has a sunburn on his forehead to that middle aged guy who sprays off his driveway in his underwear, yells at the neighbor kids to stay off his lawn and honestly believes the mailman is trying to steal his identity.

It is a coming of age, a rite of passage, a celebration of the fact that you will ALWAYS buy gear that is better than everyone around you… and that you will always be way better than poor people!!!

So this week, let us raise our Barbacoa Burritos and El Chihuahua Death Stars and celebrate,

The “Bob” Mitzvah!

07.23.10

Gots to go fire up the ol' hand cart.
Happy Weekend Y'all!

07.22.10

Hide-and-Go-Pee?
Last weekend I found out, this guy plays a wicked game of Hide-and-Go-Scream.
Which in turn, reminded me of when I was younger…
I would get so nervous hiding, that I would wet my pants.
Which further reminded me why I’m never invited to surprise parties.

07.21.10

Rick Moranis
This makes me think of Honey I Shrunk the Kids… which makes me think of Rick Moranis… So I guess that ends this day on a high note.

07.20.10

Rich People. They’re Just Like You!
Even rich people have to borrow their neighbors truck (Maserati) to move an old mattress (an original Van Gough) to their in-laws basement (summer home)!

07.17.10

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!
We are experiencing technical difficulties here at FOP HQ. Things should be back to normal soon. In the mean time enjoy the "panty-queen" flanked by her newborn cousin and a blind dog with herpes on its nose. GOOD TIMES!

07.15.10

The cost-benefit analysis shows that to obtain optimum satisfaction in trail-mix consumption, one should really just buy a bag of M&Ms™.

07.14.10

Locus Delicti-ble!

In the case Four O’Clock Photo v. Four O’Clock Shadow both parties agreed to a change of venue… one that preferably served burritos and Margaritas.

07.13.10

Deep Thoughts by the Ladyfox
"If you eat too many peas, you’re gonna poop a vine… trust me."

07.12.10

My mouth runneth over.
Wilt thou holdeth my hair when I spew?

'Twill be done, my lord

My moustache as well?

07.08.10

I like my wine like I like my cats: Bound, gagged and in a box.
Happy Weekend y’all.

07.08.10

Area cops use “Reservoir Dogs” formation to intimidate taco/hot-dog/tie-dye shirt vendor at local park.

07.07.10

Dear DCFS-

FAIL.

Regards,
FOP

07.06.10

July 3rd, 4th & 5th
I do believe this fire has been over-worked.

05.05.10

REALLY, REALLY PROUD!
Proud to be an American... Because honestly, this would probably be outlawed in other countries.

07.02.10

LOOK OUT STADIUM OF FIRE HERE I COME...
but not before I swing by Old Navy to buy my entire family matching shirts!

07.01.10

Summer Mossy Oak Camo
Um, yeah dude, I can still see you.