09.12.11

Welcome to our pool, notice there is no dragon spit in .... AW MAN, someone get the skimmer!

08.08.11

Pressed, folded, no starch.

05.16.11

Well I sprayed the driveway
With the cold water
With the cold water
With the cold water
Sprayed the driveway
With the cold water
With the cold water
With the cold cold water

07.26.10

There comes a time in every mans life… okay maybe just one man’s life… when he evolves from that quirky guy who has mustard stains on his shirt and worries about whether he has a sunburn on his forehead to that middle aged guy who sprays off his driveway in his underwear, yells at the neighbor kids to stay off his lawn and honestly believes the mailman is trying to steal his identity.

It is a coming of age, a rite of passage, a celebration of the fact that you will ALWAYS buy gear that is better than everyone around you… and that you will always be way better than poor people!!!

So this week, let us raise our Barbacoa Burritos and El Chihuahua Death Stars and celebrate,

The “Bob” Mitzvah!

04.15.10

FOP: Hey dad, what do you think of using this pic as a clever visual metaphor for tax day...
SLVRFX: Makes me think I need to spend some of that refund on a bottle of moisturizer.

08.05.09

I believe I can ride,
I believe my credit limit has touched the sky.
I think about it every night and day,
Spend $800 on a carbon-alloy wheel set and ride away.
I believe if I spent a little bit more,
I would be sleeping on my grandma's living-room floor.
I believe I can ride, I believe I can ride,
I believe I can ride!

07.29.09

BobKwanzaa: Day #3

RH: Do you think I could wear this to work?
FOP: You wear cargo pants… and clogs, dude.
RH: So are you saying it’s in poor taste?
FOP: No more so than the time you wore that white Speedo the company pool-party.
RH: I guess just like to push the fashion envelope.
FOP:… is that real sheepskin?

07.29.09

BobKwanzaa Day #2

This 'Lance Armstrong/Angelina Jolie Moment' brought to you by Radio Shack*.

* Bob would never shop at Radio Shack… ever. Why? Because radios and shacks fall under the category of “Things Poor People Like.”

07.27.09

Hey everybody! FOP’s favorite muse is celebrating a birthday this week. (I know, I know it seems like BobHanukkah was just yesterday.) As we all know, this tolerant, charitable man, has opened his heart and home to the down-trodden and destitute for the past 35 years, so let us take time this week to embrace all that is Robert… unless you are sick (or may be sick, or one of your kids is sick), then get the hell out of here…

Thus begins The 5 days of BobKwanzaa: A Celebration of Bob, His Stuff, and his tireless battle against those “assholes” who are trying to sabotage his affluent lifestyle… or trying to burn down his house… or door-ding his beloved truck.

04.07.09

Broken…
Sometimes you’re the shovel.
Sometimes you’re the hole.
Sometimes you’re both.

10.28.08

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #2
Fishing using the RH method.
Spend 35 minutes trying to tie a Blood Knot… Curse at sausage-like fingers.
Settle for Granny Knot.

Cast once… Cast Twice… Pull line, attach $27 “sure-thing” fly.
Cast once… Cast Twice… Change fly.
Cast once… Cast Twice… Change fly again. Repeat for 3 hours.

Catch nothing.

Ridicule others for using cheap gear and catching trash fish.

10.27.08

Just when you thought FOP couldn’t get any better….

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008!
Step by step advice from fly fishing aficionados, RH and HDub.
Yes, the same people who brought you this.

STEP #1: Put on a really expensive vest with over 72 pockets and a lightweight rivershed waders (with 3-layer GORE-TEX® Immersion® Technology, of course), and pretend like you’re a hobo.

08.05.08

This mortgage crisis is hard on everyone, in fact, I think I just foreclosed on your lawn.

08.01.08

A demonstration, please.
How to establish yourself as a “NASCAR Super Fan”.


Click to enlarge the play by play.

07.29.08

Dear FOP-
I think "BobHanukkah" was the best thing to happen on the interweb since the Dancing Hamster or the Star Wars Kid. Being that today is in fact my actual Birthday, could you post a picture that is adequate for my match.com profile? One that makes me look ridiculously sexy and preferably without glasses.
I eagerly await your findings-
Bob


Dear Bob-
Happy Birthday!
Love-
FOP

07.23.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #3

BUNDY: Hey, have you seen Bob? I wanted to tell him there’s case lot sale on handsanitizer at Walmart.

FOP: Hmmmm nope, but he might be over there with albino Samuel L. Jackson.

07.22.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #2

While talking to Bob at any give moment, he is probably thinking which of the following:

a. I bet I look like Pierce Brosnan.
b. I think my head is sunburned
c. Is that a minority over there?
d. Someone is stealing my stuff right now!
e. Are we talking about me yet?

07.21.08

Gentlemen!
Yes, yes. Come. Have a seat in my humble abode. Wait are you poor? No? Proceed.
I presume you know it is my birthday week, and because I am what they call a “BIG DEAL" we will need to commemorate my greatness. Therefore, I have… DON”T TOUCH MY STUFF! Pardon my outburst. Where was I? Ahh yes! I’ve cleverly combined two of my favorite things, hence, for the next 8 days we will be celebrating “BobHanukkah”.

04.01.08

RH: Its April Fool's Day
FOP: Mmmm hmmm…
RH: I stole the ashes of my bosses dead grandmother.
FOP: How original of you…
RH: Gear Room's full. Where should I put them?
FOP: I’d bet she’d like the laundry ro... I mean "Wine Cellar."

03.04.08

Although a tad pretentious, the new lighting in my office definitely makes my pecs look bigger.