07.28.10

Bob Mitzvah Week: Day 3

RH: I think I’m a likeable guy.

FOP: People think you’re an asshole.

RH: Not possible.

FOP: You just asked that girl if her mom slept with Encino Man!

RH: Totally legitimate question. You saw her forehead.

07.08.10

Area cops use “Reservoir Dogs” formation to intimidate taco/hot-dog/tie-dye shirt vendor at local park.

03.31.10

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES:
Students Seek To Get High Legally.

Well this is a sorry state of affairs. Are today's youth that unmotivated? Back in my day we hijacked a bush plane and flew to Columbia with a pocket full of stolen water balloons and Ex-Lax to get high.

03.30.10

Do you think wearing my clogs to the office is inappropriate?

No. I mean, unless they clash with your sweatpants.

07.30.09

BobKwanzaa: Day #4

Remember the time I got a new roof?
And told the roofers to take out the swamp cooler cuz I didn’t really need it.
And then thought the roofers broke one of the trusses.
And used a stack of law books to squeeze through that little hole that goes into the attic to fix it?
And how I got stuck, and it was really hot, and I thought I was gonna die.
And when I got unstuck I thought I might have nudged a few shingles out of place.
And how I got on the roof and used silicone caulk all over those shingles.
And how now there’s a shiny, slimy spot on my roof.
And how despite the caulk, its still 97 degrees inside my house.
And how I set up a tent on the back lawn and still couldn’t sleep because of the HELICOPTORS!!!

MY ROOF! MY ROOF! Why hath thou forsaken me??

07.17.09

It’s time…
For a random pea test.

Ba-dum Ching!

04.17.09

According to Penal Code Sec. 1191.76
Your book!
Your book!
Your book is on FIRE!

08.28.08

BARNYARD WEEK: Day #4
The goat’s got WEED! He got WEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!

07.28.08

“BobHanukkah: The Festival of Bob” Day #8
RH: The test have come back, and I have Hypogonadism
FOP: Girly man.
RH: My Dealer… uh doctor has prescribed me some Human Grow…uh Testosterone
FOP: Impressive.
RH: Do you know what this means?
FOP: You have to drop out of the Ice Capades?
RH: I am going to be HUGE! How am I going to afford a new wardrobe?
FOP: How much could a Speedo and a bottle of baby oil really set you back?

04.16.08

ex pong facto
Subsequent to receiving a Juris Doctor, law school graduates are required to participate in a state or provincial table tennis competition in order to practice law. This multi-state Ping Pong Tournament is a crucial component of the bar examination in almost all United States jurisdictions. Although seemingly innocuous, bloodshed and uncouth comments concerning opponents warm-up suits are highly probable.
I will now use the words scintilla and res judicata to reinforce the fact my intellect is far superior to yours. Good Day!

03.05.08

POP QUIZ!!!
This popular urban custom indicates:

a. Brett Favre retired; Patrick Swazye has 5 weeks to live.
b. Its "wake up time" for pilots of low flying aircraft.
c. Amy Winehouse deals...uh "lives" 2 streets over.
d. Payless™ is having another BOGO Sale.
e. All of the above

03.03.08

It’s probably nothing… But I think your kid just ate the entire stash of Space Cakes in the company break room.*

*And oddly enough her mother does work here... so that passive aggressive sign on the fridge doesn't apply!

12.04.07

A disturbing, yet simple way, to ensure you will never be subject to your company's "Random Drug Test Policy"... Again.