05.10.11

Bundy: Hey, could you lend a guy a hand on his birthday?
RH: You once gave me beans and a half-empty a bottle of wine on my birthday.
Bundy: Yeah, so?
RH: I don’t need to lend you anything fine sir!

05.09.11

THE REALLY DO EXIST!
And all these years I thought it was just a crazy John Madden idiom.

05.06.11

It's an Honor
And the Award for “Loudest Fart in the ‘Expired Food  Aisle’ at the Dollar General” goes to...

05.05.11

Culturally Insensitive, Who me?

RH: Hey when is Cinqo de Mayo, I think it’s one of those ‘floating holidays’.

FOP: Uhhh…. July 17th mark your calendar...

RH: And how is it celebrated?

FOP: I think a bearded Mexican goes around tossing burritos down people’s chimneys.

RH: You mean there’s going to be bearded Mexican on my roof!!!!!!!!!

FOP: Only if you leave a margarita and plate of churros.

05.04.11

Totally Tubular!
I can't even imagine what Genetically Modified Bean Dip looks like.
But I'm totally excited about it.

What's up little buddies?

05.02.11

WELCOME MAY!
You so Crazy!

04.29.11

Dionysus, duh.
LdyFX: Franzia on the rocks, please.
FOP: Um, not to be a wine snob,* but...
LdyFX: "Die-o-n ICE-us" is the GOD OF WINE!
FOP: Touché

* Because clearly, boxed wine in a Solo cup is the status quo for the drinking elite.

04.28.11

I may have posted this before...
if so, just consider yourself re-tarted.

Ba-DUM Ching!

04.27.11

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!
That being said, you’d better buy me lunch and wish me a Happy "Salaried 65+ Hours a Week Can you work Saturday... and Sunday Last Time I got a raise was 2007 Employee” Day.

04.26.11

Can v. May (Formerly the PSA that made me clap.)
I’m sure you have the capability to do so...
Oh wait, unless you don’t have lips...

Which I hear is one of the symptoms.

04.25.11

Haters... gonna hate.

04.22.11

Clever? No?
Jeepers, creepers, where'd ya get them...


(Walmart, in case you really wanted to know.)

04.21.11

iStalker
Thhhssss, hey Bob, I hate to tell you this, but Steve Jobs knows where you are right now.

04.20.11

Pardon me... but is today 4.20.11?
Say, man, you got a joint?
No, not on me, man.
It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

04.19.11

TEA-BAG!

04.18.11

POP QUIZ!
A. Realized he actually owed the IRS money.
OR
B. Was told by his wife he couldn't buy a new tablecloth.

04.15.11

ORDER UP!
Eggs and a side of bread!
Happy Weekend Y'all

04.14.11

TRUE OR FALSE?
MacGyver was here?

04.13.11

Tell me a story Grandpa

A patient at a the Sunnyside Mental Institution looked outside one afternoon to see a man toiling in the garden below his window.

The patient yelled to the man, “What are you doing out there?”

The man replied, “Putting manure on these strawberries!”

“Hmm, that’s interesting,” said the patient, “In here, we put sugar and cream on our strawberries.”

04.12.11

Daffodilus Rhinitis.

04.11.11

Powder Slayer Cometh!

Yeah April!
A bit repetitive I know.

04.08.11

You can totally hear Sarah McLachlan in the background can't you?

04.07.11

FOP: Hi mom, what's up?

LDFX: I just wanted to let you know you didn’t turn out too bad.

FOP: Uh, thanks.

LDFX: I mean you don’t steal figurines from the cemetary.

FOP: ...

LDFX: and hoard them.

FOP: ...

LDFX: and then give them away as Christmas presents.

FOP: ...

LDFX: You don’t, do you?

04.06.11

Exhausted.

04.04.11

P.S. You suck!

Hey kids its your old pal Mother Nature!
Just thought I'd drop in and say SCREW YOU.
Have a good one!

04.01.11

Bovine Pictures presents

A Hereford Runs Through It

03.31.11

America’s FAVORITE Pastime is back!
Eating processed meats and water downed beer
BUT OUTSIDE...
and with more back-sweat!

Hell's Yeah America!

03.30.11

The Lebowski Collection: Inspiration thru Micturition.

03.29.11

OMG! A little pirate booty!

Kidding, kidding. This is a family site!

03.28.11

Sadly, today, all i can think about is a Swanson's Chicken Pot Pie.

That is all.

03.25.11

Dr.Feelgood... in sweatpants!
I “workout with”* a guy who looks like Vince Neil.**
So I guess its true what they say. Old washed up has-been rock stars are just like me.†

* I don’t know  if what he does is “working out” and technically its not “with” me.
**2 points if you know who that is.
† Also this has nothing to do with the picture... of course.

03.24.11

New for the Wii Fit:
American Hardship 0.1
Ten miles
Uphill
Bothways
In the snow.
BAREFOOT.
Test your athleticism, endurance and bitching skills.
Release date: 12.01.11. Reserve your copy now.

03.23.11

Contrary to other popular belief!

Today I read that it is actually the “ The Economy” that has lead to increased obesity...
Shove that in that in your pie hole weight watchers.

ALSO...
HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY SHANE ZIMMERMAN!!!
And no you can't borrow my Velcro gloves.

03.22.11

LAMBasted
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool...
more importantly have you a stick of butter or some bacon grease?
This is the 3rd time this month.
If it weren't for this giant head noggin of mine!

03.21.11

Welcome Monday!
Really its been fantastic, I'll look forward to it again next week.

03.18.11

Workin' overtime at the corduroy factory.

Happy Weekend.

03.17.11

It smells like drunk.
Happy Eat Like a Hobo Day!

03.16.11

Shiver me timbers!
No, really.

03.15.11

BEWARE!
The ides of March...
they are pretty scary I hear.

03.14.11

Daylight Saving Time
A time of sacrificing sleep for one more hour of daylight.
A time to spend figuring out (for the bazzilionth time) how to reprogram the alarm clock, the microwave clock, the oven clock, the car clock...

03.11.11

We will not die like dogs!
We will fight like lions!
Because we are...
The Three Ameagles
Look up here, look up here. 

03.10.11

What's goin' on?

Nuthin' dawg. Just standin here, millin' some wind.

03.09.11

Dude have you seen it?
Presenting the interweb’s less famous and slightly mundane meme:
Zero Girls. 16 cups.

03.08.11

Welcome March!
Well played, well played indeed.

03.07.11

EFT!!!!
Happy birthday to the best mom and buffalo proctologist in the world!

03.04.11

I think the word “jimmer” violates the BYU Honor Code.

03.03.11

There appears to be a fiery train wreck in The Valley...
Oh, wait, my bad... It's just Charlie Sheen burning the purest rocks this side of Bogata.

03.02.11

So what the hell now, we've already been forever damned
Anywhere you go I'll follow you down.

03.01.11

The Family Jewels
Displayed for your pleasure.
On the interweb.