08.31.07

[sigh]
I thought you were my soul mate. We'd spend hours upon hours together everyday, for FOUR YEARS. Then you started talking about how you needed more time to compute, and figure some things out. YESTERDAY YOU WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME!!!!! And then today you act as if nothing happened!
What the hell, it's like... like I don't even know you anymore.

08.30.07

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by while I beat the poop out of my computer and cut myself.

08.29.07

Kids these days are lucky. When we was in the trailer court, they only sold "Shaved Mice". Oh don't get me wrong, they was fun to play with for a bit, but they done tasted pretty bad.

08.28.07

Here at 4OPHQ we made it a priority to brave the elements of a west-side tenement parking lot in the middle of the night as to capture spectacular astronomical phenomena so people with normal sleeping habits didn’t have to.

08.27.07

PONDER THIS:
KNOWN: According to UFC Rules & Regulations, hair-pulling, clavicle-grabbing and eye-gouging are fouls.
UNKNOWN: If Elton John’s Tiny Dancer and Billy Joel’s Piano Man stepped into "The Octagon" who would dominate? Who would be beaten to little pile of guts?

08.25.07

Deez is kats.
People who work on the weekends usually have 50 of them.
They smell like pee... the cats...and sometimes the people do too.
But they are still nice people... they just smell like pee, and so do their cats.
It's really a win-win situation.
Ok, well thats all I have to say about that.

UPDATE: This cats name is/was Eris. Dear Eris left us for the giant litter box in the sky on 10.02.07. You were a pretty cool cat, you'll be missed!

08.24.07

Historically they a symbol of love and friendship… but to me they are the symbol of a French dwarf yelling “De plane! De plane! Look Boss, De Plane!”

08.23.07

Today is “National Clean Out Your Keyboard Day”
To celebrate, I prepared a whole meal with things I found in my keyboard.

08.22.07

Okay don’t panic, I think that if we just use the Law of Sines we’ll be able to triangulate the distance to the nearest Olive Garden… what do you mean you don’t know the Law of Sines? Freaking communist!

08.21.07

Things you shouldn’t say at the office potluck:

1. I’ll be right back I left the potato salad in my car.
2. Hey, where’s the open bar?
3. My cat has severe diarrhea.
4. Thank goodness for the 10-second rule.
5. Whoever finds the black hair has to clean the breakroom.

08.20.07

I say screw the Butterfly Effect!
The Sparrow Effect! Now thas what i'm talkin' 'bout!
Everybody gather ‘round. On the count of three, we are going to make a hurricane, and after that we're going to go celebrate at the car wash. One, two, three…

08.17.07

YOU! Get in my booze!

08.16.07

Dooode, we gotta find junior before DCFS gets here…
I could have sworn I put him in one of these holes.

I deserve some peanut M&Ms and a contract from National Geographic for this one.

08.15.07

I’m not quite sure how to tell you this but…
Well, uh, Johnny Cash hates you.

08.14.07

Chief Red Cloud: Little-puff. Big-puff, big-puff. Pause. Little-puff…
What is the meaning of this?

Chief Sitting Bull: I believe it says “Dances with Booze Lohan" has returned to the Sweat Lodge.

Chief Red Cloud: [Sigh] I can’t wait till texting is invented.

08.13.07

Dear Four O’Clock Photo,
What is your method for taking such spectacular/inspiring pictures?
Most sincerely,

Jealous of your Jpegs
Jerome, ID
***
Dear Jealous in Jerome-
My “method” goes something like this…
“Leroy Jr., your gunna halfta get out of my way! Mama’s done gotta get me some of them pictures for my blog!”

Regards-
FOP

08.11.07

i [heart] working weekends.
Poop!

08.10.07

Area archaeologists have determined the Castilleja-Coccinea, more commonly known as the Indian Paintbrush, is the reason that all those cave paintings are so crappy.

08.09.07

Consultants advised that by replacing the circus clowns at the ticket window, sales would skyrocket… However, a baffled management team reports Tram Ridership has plummeted since changes have been implemented.

08.08.07

Making a splash…
Without touching the water...
While reenacting a scene from Saturday Night Fever?
Now that’s just devil talk!
Once again, I am not quite sure what’s going on here, but what do you expect when it involves the same man who brought you The UnicycleNipple

08.07.07

These beautiful flowers are soooooooooo beautiful.*
* AND, they smell like pee. Toot toot!

08.06.07

Dagnammit Jessop!
I done think the horses are playing with Ouija Board again.

08.03.07

Sure its indiscriminate, but I think using rock/paper/scissors to decide who gets to sit up front and who has to “ride the Rhino Lining” has really started to strain our relationship…
Um, no, I don’t think drawing straws would make it better.

08.02.07

These are Bobby’s Angels.
They will drink you under the table, then proceed to kick your ass with their perfectly pedicured toes. Carry on ladies.

08.01.07

I’m not saying you didn’t get that oozing rash from some sort of noxious plant… I’m just wondering why you had that plant in your pants?