02.12.10

Pardon me, Mr. Valentine or is it Saint Valentine? Yes, yes. Well not to be rude, but your holiday’s candies taste like Pepto Bismal.

08.21.08

ALOHA!
I will gyrate seductively and you will travel 3,000 miles to buy overpriced chocolate covered macadamia nuts for your family and friends

02.14.08

With this box of candy you are telling me you want to hear my perspectives on such intimate topics as foreign policy, politics and the current economic climate… it also implies you like it when I incessantly ask you “What are you thinking about?”

08.27.07

PONDER THIS:
KNOWN: According to UFC Rules & Regulations, hair-pulling, clavicle-grabbing and eye-gouging are fouls.
UNKNOWN: If Elton John’s Tiny Dancer and Billy Joel’s Piano Man stepped into "The Octagon" who would dominate? Who would be beaten to little pile of guts?