08.12.09

Poseidon + Half-Priced Sushi = Technicolor Scream

05.11.09

If I were the type of person who looked at their Kleenex after a little nose blowing, I’m pretty sure this is what I’d see.

07.31.08

moist
Defined by Merriam Webster as one of the top ten grossest sounding words in the English language.

07.02.08

HEY GUY! How does it feel to contract cryptosporidium and dysentery simultaneously! Right on!

06.09.08

Is it just me or were those baby greens a bit too salty?
It think my sodium-reflux is acting up again.
Oh gosh, how embarrassing.

04.30.08

Dear Guy on Treadmill in Front of Me-

Great weekend huh? Nice weather. Did a little yard work, caught a few rays did ya? I see you got burnt a bit? I'm sure it will turn in to a tan when the blisters pop. Hey, in the meantime, you know when you forget to Thompson Waterseal your hairy back, could you not wear a tank top in public? Honestly its like watching a man with leprosy run a 10k. STRIPS OF YOUR SKIN IS FLOATING EVERYWHERE!!! Anyhoo, I don't mean to be rude.

Have a nice day.
FOP

11.12.07

Oh hey, hows it going... Wha? No I won't neglect my babies while doing a line of cocaine off that Cheeto bag and slamming a Red-bull-mochachino... I think the girl your looking for lives 2 streets over... No worries, man... yeah I'll look for you on YouTube. Good luck!

08.01.07

I’m not saying you didn’t get that oozing rash from some sort of noxious plant… I’m just wondering why you had that plant in your pants?