10.31.08

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #5
Well that was fun.
I hope you are able to wash away the stench of cigar smoke and Powerbait.

10.30.08

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #4
How to remove a hook… like a “Bad-Ass.”

HDub: I’m so bad-ass that I am going to rip this hook out with forceps!

RH: A real bad ass would do it with his teeth.

10.29.08

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #3
How to fish using the HDub method.

Applaud self for 3 consecutive hours of sobriety.

Smoke a Cigar.

Antagonize ol’ “Sausage Fingers” by asking if he needs help tying knots.

Put on shitty gas station hat & sunglasses.

Cast once… Catch HUGE alleged “trash fish”.

Crawl behind a rock, sleep off last night’s hangover.

10.28.08

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008: Day #2
Fishing using the RH method.
Spend 35 minutes trying to tie a Blood Knot… Curse at sausage-like fingers.
Settle for Granny Knot.

Cast once… Cast Twice… Pull line, attach $27 “sure-thing” fly.
Cast once… Cast Twice… Change fly.
Cast once… Cast Twice… Change fly again. Repeat for 3 hours.

Catch nothing.

Ridicule others for using cheap gear and catching trash fish.

10.27.08

Just when you thought FOP couldn’t get any better….

Trout Slayer WEEK 2008!
Step by step advice from fly fishing aficionados, RH and HDub.
Yes, the same people who brought you this.

STEP #1: Put on a really expensive vest with over 72 pockets and a lightweight rivershed waders (with 3-layer GORE-TEX® Immersion® Technology, of course), and pretend like you’re a hobo.

10.24.08

Tonight on In the Kitchen with FOP!
"Making S’mores with Janis Joplin"

10.23.08

Apparently someone at FOP Headquarters for got to pay the interweb bill…
In the mean time I encourage you to look at this crappy picture.

10.22.08

Uh, what is it?

Dude, I dunno…. But I bet MacGyver would.

10.21.08

And the winner of the Golden Horse is… YOU!
Yes YOU! In the middle there. Come right up and claim your prize!

10.20.08

Q: How do you get back at the guy who got you so drunk you started punching random people in the crotch.
A: Apparently you show up at his house the next day with a mustache that you stole from Cheech and Chong

10.19.08

Lamest.

10.18.08

Lamer.

10.17.08

Lame.

10.16.08

Not a HotPocket.

10.15.08

Um Dad, none of these are capable of cooking a HotPocket.
No, HotPocket isn’t “code” for something else.

10.14.08

MARKET NEWS: Field & Stream Acquires Abercrombie & Fitch
Area hunters are excited to pay triple, and in some cases quadruple, the price for these NEW VOGUE hunting and fishing fashions, while their A&F Male Model counterparts are devastated by the thought of wearing... clothes.
Long time A&F model Jessie Smoothsac was quoted saying,
“This is wretched! Now who’s going to run through the African deserts wearing nothing but a knitted scarf (and fauxhawk) with 12 other naked boys?”

10.13.08

HEY GUYS!
After Party on the Santa Maria. SCHWING!
We’re gonna freaking party like it was 1492! BOOYAH!

10.10.08

Mother.

Yes dear.

You’ve got some corn between your teeth.

… Um, thank you dear.

10.09.08

Market Goes Free! Free-Fallin!
Adam & FOP Talk about it…

ADAM: Everyone is freaking out about the economy today. I’m trying to decide if I am missing something. I’m not retiring anytime soon, so it seems like I'm ok.

FOP: I mean I figure, no ones really depending on me, so if push comes to shove, I'll just end it… No doubt people will miss my mad PhotoShop skillz.

ADAM: I’ll miss having my face superimposed on midget porn.

FOP: I'll probably lose my job in 6 months. So I'll move in with the parents, until they get evicted and then you know, me and the Silverfox will probably eat my mom.

ADAM: You can be our live-in nanny... But I can't pay you

FOP: I could do that, although I was hoping by then I’d have a dickhole of a boyfriend who’d tie me to an engine block, while he was out looting.

ADAM: I wish I had an engine block inside my house.

FOP: Well, in these tough economic times not everyone can have that luxury.

10.08.08

.
Autumn!
The 7th most popular name of New England strippers!

10.07.08

Remember the neighbor that would sit on the porch and scare all the trick-or-treaters. I mean you’d think a 34 year old failure who lives in his parents basement could find better things to do with his time.

10.06.08

SURPLISE!
Paparazzi in your backseat!

10.03.08

I was all like “Yo Mary J. Poppins, dis ain’t London-town no more! Why you lookin’ all raggedy woman? You feedin’ dem birds all out of your hair these days.”

And she was all “ I know dawg, I know. But I been tending to some Baby-Daddies, all spoonin’ sugar and shiz, and I just ain’t got the time to get it did.”

So I says, “ Go fly a kite woman and I’ll ‘Pimp Your Ride’.”

Supercalifo’shizzle!

Sorry.
Happy Weekend

10.02.08

A DARK DAY
How to piss me off today: Send me an email. Then call me 3 seconds later and ask “Didja get my email?” UNLESS THE WHOLE INTERWEB BLEW UP IN THE PAST 3 SECONDS, YES I GOT YOUR EMAIL!*


* And its most likely lodged somewhere between the “The sexy Russian woman waiting to meet me” and a “Superb Discount on a Breitling Watch”. I’ll get to it when I get to it! GOSH!

10.01.08

Dear Weather Troll,

If you are not busy or pregnant or doing something wacky with your hair, maybe you could put your forecast over this.

Meteorological Regards,
FOP