06.08.07

Umm yeah, Mr. Trump just called... and he wants his hair back.

Ba-dum. Ching!

06.07.07

This reminded me... next to condiments, I’m pretty sure the red rope is the best thing that happened to my belly. HOLY CRAP! That’s 34 inches of fun and flavor! You can’t ask for more.

06.06.07

Honestly, so much as peep before 8am, Breakfast Time will become B.B. Gun Time.

06.05.07

Have you got your ticket to ride?
Well then, hold on tight kiddies!
America’s Favorite Radio Show Host is once again filling your hearts with awe and wonderment. I’m pretty sure even this Silverfox circa 1972 would be a tad jealous of such a glorious specimen.

06.04.07

In an effort to minimize the mosquito population and combat plague-like out breaks of West Nile Virus, state representatives have come to the conclusion that $1.7 billion should be invested in a ginourmous mosquito zapper.

06.01.07

For the art history buffs, today's photo is entitled:
"Life Imitates Art: A subtle juxtaposition of FOP and Vermeer"

For everybody else, I call it:
“Get you lazy ass in the kitchen and whip me up some tasty blog.”

05.31.07

Let there be light… over-priced, pretentious-hipster light.

05.30.07

Don't ever ask the local weather man to show you his "Storm Tracker."

05.29.07

Fear not little friends, you will all grow up to be the booze.

05.28.07

Babies done love themselves a big ol' heapin' spoonful o nature.

05.25.07

So what you are telling me is that if I spend $1,599.99 on a 3 Piece Mircofiber Sectional with Chaise I’m entitled to a FREE HOT DOG & SODA (while supplies last) and a duffle bag ($10 value)?
Hell yeah, sign me up!

05.24.07

Welcome to our Ond!
As you may notice, there is no 'P' in it
We’d like to keep it that way.

Toot toot!

05.23.07

Ripped from today’s headlines:
Area man informed there is such a thing as American Idol, vows to kick somebody’s ass.

05.22.07

Yeah, um, the sun called to let you know that it doesn’t really appreciate the competition AND that the glare off your left butt-cheek is disrupting several power grids in the Midwest.

05.21.07

Today's FOP is brought to you by: bactericides, fungicides, herbicides, insecticides, miticides, molluscicides, nematicides, rodenticides and a government subsidy.

05.18.07

So what you’re saying is studded, black leather chaps go OVER pants, not IN PLACE of pants?
Hmmmmm, well this is awkward.

05.17.07

“Darlin’ where I come from, we done call it dental floss.”

05.16.07

Virgin Mary's face in a tortilla? Pshawwww!
It appears as though your cocktail sauce is wearing a FREAKIN' HALO!
OBVIOUSLY a sign they value condiments in heaven…
I told you being baptized in a ketchup-font wasn’t sacrilegious.

05.15.07

You spent $5,000 and it doesn't even have a kickstand?

05.14.07

Nice story Silverfox. You are a pretty tough guy, but I’m pretty sure there was such thing as toilet paper in 1950.

05.11.07

Area bachelor reveals secret to achieving “ultimate chick-magnet” status.
Now, I do believe it’s time to get your sexy on.
Happy Friday kids.

05.10.07

Hey you! Bald man, in the leather pants and euro-framed glasses, stand under these and we will attempt to reveal your “deep inner beauty.”
Oooo, yeah, um, I’m gonna need the soft focus filter and 4 additional lamps.

05.09.07

Looks like I’m gonna need another order of home fries. Yeah, when I’m done here I got to check in with my P.O., pickup a new fanny pack, and get to softball practice. Any y’all seen my flannel shirt?

05.08.07

In order to evaluate your emotional and intellectual functioning I will be administering the Rorschach Tulip Test.

05.07.07

The undertaker is deeply concerned that his forehead may be sunburned.

05.04.07

A quote from one of America’s most esteemed legal minds:
“Cinco De Mayo? When the hell is that?”

-R. W. Harrow, Esq.

05.03.07

Hey, what's up? Me? Oh, I was just sitting here thinking maybe that love-sick, diaper-wearing astronaut wasn't such a nut-job after all.

05.02.07

Titticus!!!! Stop putting your burlap underwear in my bucket!

05.01.07

Say what?
You want me to squeeze down your gearshift and pick up some old hot tamales? Frankly, I’m not sure what that means, but your innuendo is priceless.

04.30.07

If I were abducted by aliens and subjected to a nasal* probe, I think those aliens would be pretty impressed, that is if they could get past the giant pollen pustules.

*I said NASAL you sickos!

04.27.07

Whaaaaaaaaa?
It’s not 4?
The hell you say!

04.26.07

This is where I store my dowry. Suitors are typically most impressed with my large feedbags and nuptial yak.

04.25.07

Sweaty tulip, you reek!

04.24.07

InBox. InMemoriam.
I’ve always had this idea that the afterlife was intertwined with the internet and cellular technology. So even in death, somehow your texting, email & IMing capacities would remain intact. In my head this seems perfectly logical… Or at least as logical as the whole closing doors and opening windows crap.
So with that: Doug if your out there, you got a lot of people missing you right now, and maybe, if you have a second, you could drop them a line.

It’s probably crazy, but I’ll keep checking my InBox, just in case.

Here’s to Birkenstocks, stainless steel, baby-squishing and German engineering!

04.23.07

K wait, really? Cheese stuck on my face? How embarrassing.
What? Up here? Over here? Did I get it?
Arrgh! Damn you Nachos Bell Grande.
By the way, those pants you’re wearing… Crotch-tacular!!!
I could just eat them up! Really I could!

04.20.07

This weekend, let's put the fun back in funnel…
and then quickly take it back out again.

04.19.07

The 4OP Real Estate Equation:

ONE: Quasi-fulfilling but low paying career path.
MINUS: A weekend playing the ponies with the Ladyfox.
ADD: An astronomical rent increase for a crap-hole apartment.
MULTIPLY: By my Rock ‘n’ Roll Lifestyle.
EQUALS: A sweet new place to call home!

04.18.07

My fellow lushes, it is our duty as alcoholics and as Americans, to desegregate our Boozeware™. It's not the law, it's just the right thing to do.

04.17.07

Mayim Bialik made me do it.
Whoaaaaaa.

04.16.07

Today, tell your friends you love them, and if you have a prayer to spare, this guy could really use it.
Full story here.

04.13.07

Things here at 4OP HQ have been quite perky lately. Babies. Hobos. Flowers. So in light of recent posts we have pulled a most spectacular photo of clowns shooting rainbows out their bums, and replaced it with a more dramatic, perilous, dark image.

04.12.07

Freak Warren, I said SNOWCONES!!!
SnowCones would be fun to sell at “The-Days-of-47-Miracle-Handcart-Stadium-of-Pioneers-Pageant.”
NOT SnowSTONES!!!
I don’t even know what the crap is a SnowStone is. You’re fired.

04.11.07

Daddy told me not to worry because they’d find a cure for Emo by the time I went to high school.

04.10.07

Some humps, some humps, some humps,
Some lovely painted bumps.
I’m gonna show show show you chunks,
Rounded hunks of rusted junk.

Okay, now everybody shimmy!

04.09.07

4OP PSA:

This is your brain.

This is your brain...
on a table…
after a shot of Ouzo…
and 12 hours with the Silverfox.

Any questions?

04.06.07

When defrosting the traditional Easter rabbit, never use the microwave, it par-cooks the ears and makes them a tad chewy.

04.05.07

Gimme a one. Gimme a two. Gimme a three.
I know you laugh when you asparagus pee!

04.04.07

Warning: You may piddle your pants after seeing this…
HOLY FREAKING CRAP.
IT’S A REAL FREAKING HOBO!!!

04.03.07

First.
If you have a NicFit just before getting out of your car, I will probably document the aftermath and post it on the interweb.
Second.
Although I am not a smoker, I AM fairly certain it is against the law for a grown man to smoke this brand of cigarette.

04.02.07

In a recent study, the Pleasure Quotient™ associated with “watching grass grow” was found to be EQUAL to that of Phil Collins and Genesis announcing their 2007 Turn It On Again tour.