01.22.07

My space heater just started my pant leg on fire... and I'm kind of enjoying it.
I'll get back to you.

01.19.07

Sweet, sweetness.

01.18.07

Don’t spit on the rich people’s parties. It really hurts their feelings... that and spending the evening with hotel security totally blows monkies.

01.17.07

I was going to look directly into the sun, and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling signs.

01.16.07

It’s not that you aren’t good for me. It’s just… right now in my life, I think I need to pursue other opportunities. To be honest you're pretty plain. I mean if it weren't for the dressing, I probably would have nothing to do with you.
We can still be friends.

01.15.07

I have a dream...
It's the one where it's warm enough that my tear ducts don't freeze shut when I go outside and my car starts on the first try.

01.12.07

When you think about it, not many people get use rotary tools, vises AND glide waxes when they go to work.

01.11.06

Stop me if you've heard this one...
me and my Adidas do the illest things;
we like to stomp out pimps with diamond rings
we slay all suckers who perpetrate
and lay down law from state to state
we travel on gravel, drit road or street
I wear my Adidas when I rock the beat
on stage front page every show I go
it's Adidas on my feet high top or low
My Adidas
My Adidas...

01.10.07

Tupac:Yo, Biggie! Get over here and check this s#*t out.
Notorious B.I.G.: Oh no he didn’t!
Tupac: Aw man, is that... punctuation?
Notorious B.I.G.: Whiteboy gets himself a Sharpie and thinks he’s all ghetto-thug.
Tupac: We get shot and the whole industry goes to hell.
Notorious B.I.G.: Playa, looks like it’s time for another posthumous album.

01.09.07

In order to sneak out of work early I will need the following:
1. Rock hammer
2. 24x36 poster of Matt Damon (or Tom Brady)
3. Bar of Soap
4. Morgan Freeman
5. The courage to crawl through five-hundred yards of poop-smelling foulness.

01.08.07

Naw, really I’ll keep and eye on your booze while y’all are shakin’ your groove thang.

01.05.07

I think the one thing I like more than cold weather, is cleaning dog poop, from the bottom of hiking boots... with a popsicle stick.

01.04.06

Triple Dog Dare? Anyone?
You, on the 26th Floor, how ‘bout it?

01.03.07

I farted... over there.

01.02.07

Dear Baby Jesus-
I know you are pretty busy with that whole just being born thing and those freaky wisemen who keep "dropping by the manger" so I figured I'd lend a helping hand and point out some sinners. I’m not tattletale or anything, I just think it’s important for you to be in the know when determining people’s salvation. I, for one, am not a sinner. This was taken by my photo minion. I was asleep by 8:32pm, like a proper Christian should be.

12.29.06

Hey Look! You can get this stuff in a bottle now! Who knew?

Happy New Year to all you 4'OP friends. Thanks for peeking!

12.28.06

Apparently the controversy regarding “putting the seat down and the new roll ON the dispenser NOT on the back of the tank” is a lot more serious than I thought.

12.27.06

FYI: Walking up the side of snow covered mountain carrying 300lbs of gear just to ski down it, is stupid.
If you listen closely you can hear one of my lungs exploding

12.26.06

Not to be rude, but I'm still trying to sleep off some of the Christmas Miracles. I'll try harder tommorrow.

12.22.06

Really, just say NO to neighbor gifts.

12.21.06

This is where I keep the souls I capture, until they start to smell funny. Then I feed them to the dog.

12.20.06

“Coal-schmoal. Naughty boys and girls have to help Uncle Chester here find his pants… I mean shoes… well, pants and shoes… but in a totally uncreepy way… Oooh, hey, yeah, I gotta get these candy canes to the big man, nice talking to you…”

12.19.06

Do you realize how awesome I would look in my $1.5 billion Windstopper-wicking pants with gortex-reinforced seams if it weren’t for all this snow?

12.18.06

To Whom It May Concern:
After grueling and extensive research, the powers that be have found:
Gas-N-Go’s Sausage McNuffin’ ≠ Ronald McDonald’s Sausage McMuffin.
It is an IMPOSTER! Discontinue consumption immediately.

12.15.06

And lo a magnificent star* shone in the east to guide the weary wise men who bore gifts of fleece, gortex and fur… uh, yeah, and corduroy.

* "star" or a flood light from the lift, same diff, but whatever.

12.14.06

Some Holiday Advice:
When getting ready whore it up at the clubs this holiday season curl your hair, git your nails did, even wear that glitzy number in the back of your closet, but you may want to leave the earings and matching broach that look like your husband at home.

12.13.06

Insert rose-colored glasses idiom here
-------------------------------^

12.12.06

It's my secret to great looking hair... and clean ears... oh and getting out of handcuffs.

12.11.06

Its funny, high school basketball games are totally different when you aren’t in the parking lot eating cheap nachos, drinking a 40 and getting high.
Who knew?

12.08.06

Pssssssssssst. Uranus is showing.

12.07.06

Last Christmas I gave you my heart the very next day… you made a batch of margaritas and a centerpiece in the shape of a swan.

12.06.06

Hot Cockles • [hot coc•kles] n.
An extremely popular Christmas pastime in which players take turns striking a blindfolded player, who in turn must guess the name of the person delivering each blow.
I am boycotting the Hot Cockles Tournament at this year's Company Christmas Party.

12.05.06

This guy taught Chuck Norris everything he knows: Including how to roundhouse kick, to divide by zero, cure cancer, count to infinity and to blow bubbles… with beef jerky.

12.04.06

Does my chip-abyss frighten you?

12.01.06

HEY ALL Y'ALL!!!!
It's time to plug ‘em in again!!!

11.30.06

Look at this while I think of something clever to say.

11.29.06

HOLD UP! I think this picture was taken that one time… when the Silverfox bought something really expensive… from SEARS.
Cha Ching!

11.28.06

If you're ever bored, sometimes it's fun to clip kleenex to lights, and then take a picture of it!!!!
Wull... at least I think it's fun.

11.27.06

Yes Barnabas, it is beautiful.
No Barnabas, you may not turn left.

11.24.06

No thanks. I don’t care. Even if it is a day old, it still tastes like feathers.
I mean COME ON! Weren’t there cows in the 17th century?

11.22.06

I think my favorite part of Thanksgiving is when we gather ‘round the trellis and listen to grandfather tell stories about living on Plymouth Rock and how they tried to impress the "natives" with the buckles on their shoes… Whaaaaaaaaaaa??? You don’t have a Thanksgiving Trellis?

11.21.06

YOU SUCK AT BEERPONG!
And for that, I am honored to bestow upon you Four O'Clock Photo’s most coveted title: "Drunk of the Month"

11.20.06

I will cut you.
I will scrape out your innards.
I will smoosh you and serve you to my dinner guests…
with fava beans and a nice chianti.

11.17.06

Here are some cogs. No, you may NOT touch them.

11.16.06

Uh, I think your waders smell like booze.

11.15.06

HEY EVERYBODY!
THESE ARE MY SHOES!
I KEEP THEM ON THE FRONT SEAT OF MY CAR!
WITH MY BACKPACK!
AND A KUNG FU DVD!

11.14.06

This is how we store the drugs.

11.13.06

And now for my next trick I will transform 3 relatively straight men into homosexuals.

11.10.06

Another Helpful Hint from the Silverfox:
When entertaining your home-teachers, it’s always best to camouflage the booze behind the salad dressing. They tend to find it unsettling… the home-teachers, not the Silverfox.

11.09.06

Hmmmm, this is most unfortunate… Where might we park the Yacht now?