04.30.07

If I were abducted by aliens and subjected to a nasal* probe, I think those aliens would be pretty impressed, that is if they could get past the giant pollen pustules.

*I said NASAL you sickos!

04.27.07

Whaaaaaaaaa?
It’s not 4?
The hell you say!

04.26.07

This is where I store my dowry. Suitors are typically most impressed with my large feedbags and nuptial yak.

04.25.07

Sweaty tulip, you reek!

04.24.07

InBox. InMemoriam.
I’ve always had this idea that the afterlife was intertwined with the internet and cellular technology. So even in death, somehow your texting, email & IMing capacities would remain intact. In my head this seems perfectly logical… Or at least as logical as the whole closing doors and opening windows crap.
So with that: Doug if your out there, you got a lot of people missing you right now, and maybe, if you have a second, you could drop them a line.

It’s probably crazy, but I’ll keep checking my InBox, just in case.

Here’s to Birkenstocks, stainless steel, baby-squishing and German engineering!

04.23.07

K wait, really? Cheese stuck on my face? How embarrassing.
What? Up here? Over here? Did I get it?
Arrgh! Damn you Nachos Bell Grande.
By the way, those pants you’re wearing… Crotch-tacular!!!
I could just eat them up! Really I could!

04.20.07

This weekend, let's put the fun back in funnel…
and then quickly take it back out again.

04.19.07

The 4OP Real Estate Equation:

ONE: Quasi-fulfilling but low paying career path.
MINUS: A weekend playing the ponies with the Ladyfox.
ADD: An astronomical rent increase for a crap-hole apartment.
MULTIPLY: By my Rock ‘n’ Roll Lifestyle.
EQUALS: A sweet new place to call home!

04.18.07

My fellow lushes, it is our duty as alcoholics and as Americans, to desegregate our Boozeware™. It's not the law, it's just the right thing to do.

04.17.07

Mayim Bialik made me do it.
Whoaaaaaa.

04.16.07

Today, tell your friends you love them, and if you have a prayer to spare, this guy could really use it.
Full story here.

04.13.07

Things here at 4OP HQ have been quite perky lately. Babies. Hobos. Flowers. So in light of recent posts we have pulled a most spectacular photo of clowns shooting rainbows out their bums, and replaced it with a more dramatic, perilous, dark image.

04.12.07

Freak Warren, I said SNOWCONES!!!
SnowCones would be fun to sell at “The-Days-of-47-Miracle-Handcart-Stadium-of-Pioneers-Pageant.”
NOT SnowSTONES!!!
I don’t even know what the crap is a SnowStone is. You’re fired.

04.11.07

Daddy told me not to worry because they’d find a cure for Emo by the time I went to high school.

04.10.07

Some humps, some humps, some humps,
Some lovely painted bumps.
I’m gonna show show show you chunks,
Rounded hunks of rusted junk.

Okay, now everybody shimmy!

04.09.07

4OP PSA:

This is your brain.

This is your brain...
on a table…
after a shot of Ouzo…
and 12 hours with the Silverfox.

Any questions?

04.06.07

When defrosting the traditional Easter rabbit, never use the microwave, it par-cooks the ears and makes them a tad chewy.

04.05.07

Gimme a one. Gimme a two. Gimme a three.
I know you laugh when you asparagus pee!

04.04.07

Warning: You may piddle your pants after seeing this…
HOLY FREAKING CRAP.
IT’S A REAL FREAKING HOBO!!!

04.03.07

First.
If you have a NicFit just before getting out of your car, I will probably document the aftermath and post it on the interweb.
Second.
Although I am not a smoker, I AM fairly certain it is against the law for a grown man to smoke this brand of cigarette.

04.02.07

In a recent study, the Pleasure Quotient™ associated with “watching grass grow” was found to be EQUAL to that of Phil Collins and Genesis announcing their 2007 Turn It On Again tour.