05.31.06

What not to say:
“Chickity china the Chinese chicken.”
“Me racist? No way, I have friends who are ninjas.”
“Where’s my fortune cookie?”

05.30.06

“Yo’ Annie-Mary! I needs me some of them dried mutton sinews, and this here covered wagon sure ain’t gonna pull itself. Giddy-up woman. Jedidiah done loves his’self some dried mutton sinews. MmmmMmmm.”

05.29.06

If ever you find yourself hiking 11 miles in the rain & mud to get to the top of a mountain and when you get there you discover a paved road, a parking lot and a FunBus full of old people with umbrellas, white canvas sneakers and ponchos… Boy, I don’t know what to tell you.

05.26.06

This is the wire we use to steal Cable from our neighbors.

05.25.06

Dear Mr. Street Sign Writer,
Might I suggest a lorazepam, bupropion, mirtazapine cocktail and a lithium chaser.
Best of luck,
FOCP

05.24.06

Smelly pee, smelly pee.
What are they feeding you?

05.23.06

“Yo G, you packin’ today?
“Yeah dogg. PB & J and a pudding cup. What you got?”
“Regurgitated worm and some cricket guts.”

05.22.06

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home.
This little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none.
And this little piggy cried “Hey! Does anybody else smell bacon?”

05.20.06

It's a close up of my skin.

05.16.06

"Golly Cletus you sure done got the brains in the family, but now how we gonna keep the Pabst cold?"

05.18.06

WAGON WHEELS AND FOILAGE!
WAGON WHEELS AND FOILAGE!
Come get your wagon wheels and foliage!
Low APR financing available…

What? You haven’t got a wagon? Are you retarded?

05.17.06

I think a good way to keep mosquitoes away when you are walking through an alfalfa field is to carry a big bag of blood.

05.16.06

IN A VAN. DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Nothing beats a Swisher Sweet (aka Beverly Blunt) except for maybe a pudding pop and licking a skunks bumhole.

05.15.06

Remember that time I posted a picture of tree?
That kind of sucked, huh.

You know what else sucks?
Having to sit in an emergency room for three hours with your intern because you found her passed out in the parking lot.

Good times.

05.12.06

Hola, me llamo es Rod Stewart, yo quiero uno Jr. Crown and dos Chicken Gyros por favor.

YES! I’m infatuated with dogs in cars, this is merely a cry for help.

05.11.06

Stop! Behold the random sources of light.

05.10.06

This one time, when I was working for National Geographic, I went to Africa and floated down the Congo River. The money was good, but I got sick of constantly risking life and limb just to “get the shot.” I find sitting in front of a computer for 9+ hours a day just as thrilling and way more rewarding.
* I totally deserve a cupcake AND a gold star for this!

05.09.06

Moore Four O'Clock Flowers.

05.08.06

Sadie!!! Crawl into this little takeout box and show mommy how well you can bring out the flavor of these snow peas.
Good dog!

FYI- The Ladyfox was a proud patron until the very end, and I lovingly refered to it as the "Locust."

05.05.06

Either you’re a Mexican or a Mexican’t. This here is a Mexican't.
And no matter how many gallons of tequila he drinks, he will always be a Mexican't.
¡Lo siento Señor!

05.04.06

This one time I met a Hobo who shopped at Banana Republic and said that knapsacks were for posers.

05.03.06

Yeah, but does it come in grey?

05.02.06

A Helpful Hint from the Silverfox:
"Spring is a great time to organize your booze."

05.01.06

It’s a river… a river of raw sewage.
To see more men in skirts being “extreme” in poo-water go here.